First of all, congratulations are in order. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, you have made it this far in the presidential race, and you deserve a big pat on the back. But now that you’re nearing the final stretch, it’s time to focus less on issues like foreign policy and the economy, and more on yourself.
Maybe you’ve been indulging in too many tasty treats that ease the uncomfortable moments of the Presidential Debate. Maybe your gym routine has been a little lax. But there’s a burning question on America’s mind that you need to answer: do you have the stamina to survive the next four cah-razy years of your upcoming presidency?
It might be time for you to start training, Rocky-style, up and down the steps to the Lincoln Memorial. But diet is just as if not more important than exercise. Here are a few suggestions of what you should eat to so you can keep up your strength.
A Handful of Almonds
If you don’t know this by now, being president involves a lot of screen-time. Being photographed or filmed is 90% of the job itself (the other 10% being, of course, running the country). And everyone knows the camera adds 10 pounds.
What if you’re feeling snacky, but trying to watch your figure? Just grab a handful of this versatile and flavorful nut, the almond.
“Hold on,” you say. “Between all these presidential debates and campaigning, I just don’t have time to chew my own food.”
Fret not, future POTUS. Try almond milk. Just stay away from the grocery store brands.
Probiotic Yogurt
Life on the campaign trail is tough. With all the traveling you’ve been doing lately, your body might be having some trouble adjusting to different temperatures, foods, and time zones.
If you’re feeling a little bloated and blocked, try probiotic yogurt. It’s compact, easy to eat on-the-go, and you can feel like the lead role in a yogurt commercial that you would’ve been had this whole politics thing not panned out.
Bored with plain liquid? Don’t be afraid to spice up your yogurt routine.
Blood of Your Political Opponents
Iron deficiency is the most prevalent nutritional deficiency in the world, and the National Institutes of Health Office of Dietary Supplements recommends 18mg of iron for women and 8mg for men between 19-50.
But what if you’re not a big fan of spinach, kale, beef liver, oysters, or legumes? How can you possibly get your recommended daily intake of iron?
Kill two birds with one stone. Drinking the blood of your opponents lets you absorb their power while also weakening their overall health. In fact, cooking with blood has recently become more prevalent in high-end restaurants. You can also try it with a bloody mary, blood orange punch or on the rocks.