Every week, thousands and thousands of women (and men) sink into their couches to drool over Ben Higgins, Season 20’s Bachelor. What’s not to love? His dreamy eyes, his chiseled jaw-line, and oh my, that gorgeous smile.
While you curse the names of the women constantly making out with this dream boat, why not sip on some wine between the profanities. Here’s a list of scandalous yet delicious wines to keep you satisfied when Ben can’t:
1. Well Hung 2010 Everyday Chardonnay
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Now, I don’t know what else Ben has going for him, if you know what I mean, but let’s pretend he’s got the whole package. This wine is for him. With an average rating of 4.0 out of 5.0, this Chardonnay is sure to leave you wanting more and will only set you back $20.
2. Ménage a Trois 2009 Red Blend
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Let’s be real. If Ben Higgins showed up at your doorstep asking to Ménage a Trois with you, I bet there’s many of you who would act first and feel guilty later. Drown that guilt with this Red Blend that I personally drink all the time. It’s cheap at $12 and has an average rating of 3.7 out of 5.0.
3. Ass Kisser 2007 Shiraz
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This one is for the girl that everyone will remember from Season 20, even though *spoiler alert* she’s now eliminated. Oh Olivia. You little ass kisser you. While the general opinion of her was on the negative side, she did make for some entertaining television. Her two-faced personality inspired my decision of this wine, which has a 3.5 out of 5.0 rating and only costs on average $11.
4. Three Wives 2011 Pinot Gris
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Ideally, we know Ben would like to keep all of the girls. What could be better for a guy than making out with six different women every day? While we fantasize over Ben, I’m gonna make a bet that he fantasizes over having all the women to himself. Since he’s the one doing the day-dreaming this time, his more expensive taste shows with this wine costing on average $28 but it does rate higher, a 3.8 out of 5.0.
5. Little Black Dress 2013 Pinot Noir
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Just because you’re sitting on your couch in sweat pants watching women who are dressed to the nines doesn’t mean you can’t pretend. No need to dig in your closets ladies. The more you drink this wine, the more you’ll feel like you’re in your little black dress. It’ll cost you less than a night out at an average of $11 with a 3.8 out of 5.0 rating.
6. Jealous Bitch 2010 Chardonnay
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Well this one is just self-explanatory. We’re all jealous of these women, amirite? So why not enhance our inner envy with a couple glasses (or a whole bottle) of this killer chardonnay. At only $10, it’s a great deal because it ranks 4.0 out of 5.0.
7. Turn Me Red 2009 Red Blend
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Last, but certainly not least, is a wine for all our introverts out there. We know you’re crushing on Ben, even if you say you aren’t. In order to bring out the drunken truth, I’ve chosen this wine especially for you. Hot and bothered will be an understatement after a couple glasses of this $10 Austrian wine with a 4.5 out 5.0 rating.