All college students have at some point experienced the culinary magic that is the Dining Hall. As the major source of sustenance on any college campus (until you give in to takeout), it is an experience like no other.
It all starts Freshman year at orientation when you walk in thinking you have all the possibilities in the world.
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You sit down at the table with your friends and slurp down that soup thinking, “Mom isn’t here, so I don’t give a f***.”
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As you walk out, you fight off the desserts because no one wants that daunting Freshman 15.
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You think, “Bitch imma be so healthy at college, I don’t need you,” as you pick up an apple from the fruit table instead.
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But by week three you are in Zime and you’re all: “Don’t look at me! I just want to eat these cookies in peace. I have the swipes.”
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Then mid-semester you’ve finally mastered carrying all your various plates through D-Hall at the same time. You gotta have options and there’s no way you’re getting up more than once.
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Especially remembering those times you didn’t get all your choices before the sports teams arrived and all the food disappeared.
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Or when you were among the unlucky students that arrived after they’d left and they were all outta the good stuff.
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Which makes you take whatever is left thinking, “I don’t know what this is…”
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“…but b*tches need protein,” and you suck it up.
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This is when you’re forced to make the most radical decision of your food-centric life, making rice your major form of sustenance.
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But white rice can only be so exciting. So you try to spice it up and get creative with it, which really just means covering it with sauce.
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The next morning there is that rush of adrenaline when you go to breakfast and steal bread from the toast station, stuffing it into your backpack so you can make a PB&J later that night (because we all know there isn’t peanut butter in D-Hall).
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And by the end of the semester, you know you have to flirt with the workers at Zime because you are low on meal swipes. “Please Miss, may I have some more?”
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But flirting only gets you so far, and won’t save you from those times when you walk into KIVO and stand on the tile with a plate of food. Why would anyone ever hold a plate of food that close to the counter anyway? Seriously, you must have been brought up in a cave (or so says the KIVO Rabbi).
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Going to D-Hall at lunch is only bearable because of the sandwich station. Thank God Penny is your girl and will make you a delicious sandwich no matter what.
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And that Joe, the guy that makes the breakfast line somewhat tolerable, is the one person you can always rely on at this school.
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But there are some nights when you just can’t face D-Hall and seeing everyone you know in one place. Luckily Sheetz is open all night.
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