Avocados are arguably the most trendy of trending foods right now. Avocado toast, avocado burger bun replacements, avocados on, well, pretty much everything. They’re full of healthy fats and they add wonderful texture to a dish, but they can cause major problems for some people.
Avocado allergies are personal for me. Two of my frequent dining partners—my sister and one of my best friends—are plagued by this tragic affliction. We all share a deep love for tacos, but every time Taco Tuesday rolls around, we repeat the same sad chorus: “hold the guac, please.”
In order to get some insight on what life with an avocado allergy is like, I posed some deep questions to Sarah, a friend and recent UNC Charlotte grad, and Camille, a member of the NYU Spoon fam as well as member of my real fam. Thank god avocado allergies aren’t genetic.
I present to you a portrait of woe: avocado allergy edition.
1. Please describe what it’s like when you eat an avocado.
Sarah: “GAHH! It’s the worst! I feel like I have one of those spikey blowfish in my sternum.”
Camille: “Well, first I have to taste the avocado, which is painful in itself. A bunch of mushy green stuff sloshing around in your mouth? No, thank you. But then, a couple hours after I have swallowed said avocado (probably in a more down-able form, like guacamole), I get this excruciating ache in my stomach that doesn’t go away for sometimes hours.
Granted, I have never been officially tested for an avocado allergy. This is very much self-diagnosed. All I know is that every time I eat an avocado (and I have stupidly tried to inhale guacamole time and time again), my stomach attempts mutiny against the rest of my body.”
2. What avocado food or dish do you miss the most and have you found a replacement for it?
Sarah: “Oh, that’s easy. Guac! Specifically when I’m in line at Chipotle and they ask if I want guac. That is what I miss most. Hmm, have not found anything that replaces it… YET.”
Camille: “As I implied in my earlier answer, I’m not the biggest fan of avocados. I went through my entire childhood refusing to consume any form of avocado, and only in the past year or so did I start to come to terms with guacamole. To be honest, I don’t even like guac sometimes—it really depends on the mood I’m in.
But a lot of the ingredients in guacamole can be found in other aspects of any singular Mexican dish, or even just in salsa—onions, tomatoes, lime, peppers, everything one puts in that abominable concoction. Except for the avocados. So I guess my substitute for guacamole is just salsa, which is the superior dip anyway.”
3. What other food would you give up in order to be able to safely enjoy avocados again?
Sarah: “Skittles.”
Camille: “Honestly, I don’t think I would want to give up any foods to be able to eat avocados. But if I absolutely had to, it would be bananas. I refuse to eat bananas now, so it wouldn’t be much of a loss. I do not support mushy foods.”
4. How does the rise in popularity of avocado toast make you feel?
Sarah: “Well, you know, I am okay with that, but the hardest thing really occurred when I recently moved to California where they put avocado on everything. Now, that has been something very difficult to deal with.”
Camille: “I’m pretty indifferent, with the exception of the case when that is the only kind of toast an establishment serves. You would be surprised at the number of hip brunch spots in NYC that have avocado toast but no other kind of toast—who are these people? Toast is a holy sacrament of breakfast foods. Spreading avocados all over them is blasphemy. Please offer jam or nut butter or hummus or eggs or literally anything else. Thank you.”
So there you have it folks: proof that avocados really might not be the best thing since pumpkin spice. Take a moment to count your blessings next time you heap a corn chip with guac.