We were at Ben and Jerry’s not even a week ago when we saw the sign promoting their all-you-can-eat weekend deal. Being the suckers for ice cream that we are, we vowed to return a few days later and marked our calendars for Saturday at 7 o’clock sharp, not even phased by the 40°F weather forecast.
We literally counted down the time until we could step foot back in Ben and Jerry’s, and it is no question that this deal of a lifetime was what got us through the school week. Our all-you-can-eat experience can be summed up by 21 Jump Street’s “Phases of H.F.S.” — which in this case stands for Heavenly Frozen Stuff.
1. The Giggs
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The deal started at 7 pm, and we weren’t about to waste any time. We showed up on the dot, so excited that we appeared to already be on a sugar high. Like a kid in a candy store, we were college students in an ice cream shop.
2. Tripping Major Ballsack
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Unlike Jonah Hill, the ice cream we saw was very, VERY real. Am I seeing double, or did we really eat 6 cups each already?
3. Over-Falsity of Confidence
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How many flavor options are there? More than 30? Okay, we’re going to try every single one of them. At least once.
In reality, we may not have achieved our goal, but the employees were still impressed by our performance upon scooping our eighth cups of ice cream.
4. F*ck Yeah Motherf*cker
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Round 3 and only 1000 calories in. Forget the flavor goal, we’re gonna clean out the entire ice cream supply!
5. Asleepyness
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This is when it hits—when you realize that maybe there is such a thing as too much ice cream (what!?) and you just have to call it quits. Maybe we can finish what we started on Sunday?
Photo by Sam Siegel