“Clueless” is one of the most iconic movies of the 20th century. Based off of Jane Austen’s “Emma,” the main character of the movie, teenage socialite Cher Horowitz, navigates high school life through match-making, makeovers, and accessories. Cher may be materialistic and a bit, well, clueless, but she cares deeply for others and knows the benefits of self-care. Plus, she has the best fashion sense.
Besides being the decade of arguably the best fashion sense, the ’90s were an age of fad diets, from the Atkins diet to the blood type diet. I’ll bet Cher probably did a lot of those to try to keep fit. She probably ate low-fat food, drank orange juice, and made sure that the food she put in her body would benefit her in some way or another.
But, could I, a totally buggin’ college student, try Cher’s diet? Could I live off of Special K and Diet Coke? I re-watched “Clueless” and tried to figure out what Cher might have eaten, and if her diet was healthy and fulfilling, or just another ’90s fad.
Breakfast 10:30 AM
I started off my day as I assumed Cher would, with a bowl of Special K and three pieces of veggie bacon. Normally, I hate eating cereal for breakfast—it’s overly sweet and feels like I’m eating dessert. The Special K wasn’t that bad, but I felt my teeth cringe as I ate it. The veggie bacon was OK, but it smelled a little like dog food and tasted like salty nothingness. I felt comfortably full by the end though, which was nice.
Second Breakfast 11:00 AM
Cher doesn’t just eat one bowl of Special K, she eats two. She’s a hungry growing teenager after all. So, I had to follow in our savior’s footsteps and do the same. The second bowl really pushed my limit—I didn’t like how full it made me feel, and it just felt unnecessary.
Lunch 1:30 PM
Lunch was more of a midday snack. All I ate was a handful of popcorn, low-fat Greek yogurt, and a Diet Pepsi. It was nice, though, compared to the heavy breakfast I had eaten. Lunch did, however, force me to eat two things I despise: Greek yogurt and soda.
I can’t eat dairy products, but I couldn’t find a low-fat, non-dairy yogurt that wasn’t full of sugar. I gave up searching and bought a high quality, low-fat Greek yogurt, hoping it wouldn’t screw up my stomach. I couldn’t eat the whole thing, but I managed to stomach about half of the container. The Diet Pepsi left a bad aftertaste in my mouth, and I left lunch feeling a little bit bloated.
Snack 2:30 PM
Lunch left me feeling extremely groggy and tired. While I was thankful to have some sugar to give me an energy boost, I was not excited for the crash that would happen later. After eating three pieces of licorice and five peanut M&M’s, I was zoning out in my class. How does Cher stay so attentive and present on this diet? Maybe I needed another soda…
Dinner 6:00 PM
I was starving by the time dinner rolled around. By the time I got back to my dorm, all I wanted to do was stuff my face with whatever I could find. But Cher wouldn’t do that, so I fixed a dinner of garlicky spinach and “chicken” (it’s meatless vegetarian chicken, but still delicious). This meal was my favorite. It was satisfying, savory, and a delight to eat. The one bad thing about this meal was having to enjoy it with an overly-sweet Snapple. I hate sugary drinks, and the Snapple tasted gross and out of place with the meal. I could only drink half before throwing it away.
In retrospect, this is the typical diet of a high schooler. It seems normal, but in reality, it’s not very satisfying. I didn’t get a lot of protein throughout the day, felt sluggish from all the sugar, and ate under 2,000 calories. Cher, I love you, but we need to add more spice to your diet. How about some toast with peanut butter for breakfast, or a big salad for lunch?