Thanksgiving is arguably the biggest and most important dinner of the year. I probably don’t have to explain the menu to you, but the classics (turkey and mashed potatoes) are sure to turn up on every plate. However, one thing that is unique to each dinner in America is the people sitting around the table. It just wouldn’t be complete without each and every unique loved one there. But, just for fun, let’s see how you contribute to your family’s Thanksgiving. Choose your favorite Thanksgiving dish, and we’ll reveal which family member you most likely are.
The Turkey: The Glorious Brother
Turkey is the heart and soul of Thanksgiving dinner. Without it, it wouldn’t feel like Thanksgiving at all. Just like if your brother was missing from Thanksgiving, everyone would be upset and not even the tofurkey could mend the absence or the empty seat at the table.
The turkey is obviously the most juicy, tender and delicious food being served at dinner. And your brother is the center of attention just like the turkey. Your brother is just a little bit better at everything than you. Everyone asks you how he’s doing, but never mind how you’re doing. Your brother’s life is definitely more juicy than yours (no pun-intended).
The Cranberry Sauce: The Peculiar Great Aunt
Cranberry is an acquired taste that may be sweet to some taste buds, but sour to others. Your great aunt (who is probably wearing some cranberry-colored sweater with matching lipstick) may be an even more acquired taste than the cranberry sauce served at Thanksgiving.
She will discuss taboo topics (like your love life) in front of the whole family. She will pull up your raunchy Facebook pictures to expose you to your innocent grandmother. Your mom probably loves her for doing all the things she wishes she could do to you, but you definitely could opt for a Thanksgiving dinner without cranberry sauce. My theory is the appreciation of canned cranberry sauce comes with age.
The Stuffing: The Drunk Uncle
Everyone goes back for seconds on the stuffing and even has it as leftovers the next day. Your drunk uncle will probably go back for fourths of the stuffing to satiate the rack of beer he’s put back.
This uncle is probably the life of the party around 5 o’clock, but as the night progresses, he has to unbutton his pants to make up for all the food and drink intake. Just like the stuffing, you love it while you’re eating it, but not so much when it’s taking up all the space in the fridge the next day. The drunk uncle is fun for a bit, but not so much the next day when he wakes up on your couch with a hangover.
The Brussels Sprouts: Your Popular Cousin
Rewind a decade and Brussels sprouts would be the most hated vegetable on the face of the earth. But Brussels are now the trendiest veggie ever (if vegetables can even be trendy?). Your popular cousin is definitely going to get a plate full of Brussels sprouts because she is always caught up on current trends.
Your popular cousin will spend all of Thanksgiving on her phone because family time is the worst time (obviously because no social climbing can be done). You’ll definitely catch her sending her friends Snapchats of her meal and red wine to show them that yeah, her family is doing it right. Next year your popular cousin will be the sprouts or whatever vegetable is trendy next.
The Gravy: Your Sweetheart Mother
If you decide to put any gravy on your plate, you have no control of where it ends up and it will probably touch a little bit of all of your food. The thing is that gravy tastes good on everything, so it’s okay. Your mom is just like gravy—goes great with everything and spreads herself thin to be helpful.
Your sweetheart mother is simultaneously eating her Thanksgiving dinner, doing the dishes, and making the dessert pies. She will make sure she says hi to every single person at the soiree because people will leave upset if they don’t get a hello from the sweetheart. If you think you’re flying home to spend time with your awesome mom, you’re wrong. She has to spread herself as thin as gravy and make sure she brightens up everyone’s day. She’s the best!
The Bread: The Messy Child
You can’t help but leave a trail of crumbs behind you when you eat bread, but you also can’t not have bread with Thanksgiving dinner. Every Thanksgiving get together has some little kids, whether it’s a sister, cousin, or neighbor.
These little, messy rugrats will be sure to make their presence known. Your new corduroy skirt will have little stained hand prints from being pulled at. But Thanksgiving is no fun if there’s no kids running and screaming to keep it youthful. They’ll be going back for second servings of bread (with butter, of course) if you let them, so keep it out of reach or the crumbs will be everywhere.
The Green Beans: The Highly Motivated Friend
Green beans are rich in fiber and vitamins C, K and Iron. Eating green beans is like taking your vitamins—they’re so good and healthy for you. The long time family friend that always joins your Thanksgiving is just like green beans. It makes no sense for him to go home for the holidays because it’s just not good time management.
His Thanksgiving plate will be carefully crafted to create a balanced meal. His hair will be gelled back and he will be wearing his best dressed clothes, even though the rest of the family is in leggings and sweatpants to allow room for a bloated stomach post-dinner. Watch, he’ll eat a lot of green beans because after all, you are what you eat—the best.
The Mashed Potatoes: The Family Dog
You can never go wrong with mashed potatoes. They are good store-bought, homemade, in a box, without butter, or with extra pepper—you name it, they still taste delicious. The family dog that is chilling all Thanksgiving dinner (most likely under the table) is the mashed potatoes of the meal. It doesn’t matter if the dog begs, barks, or licks your toes, everyone wants to play with her to get a break from family time. And who doesn’t love dogs!?
The Pumpkin Pie: The Chatty Grandma
Pumpkin pie usually is the conclusion of the grand Thanksgiving meal. You will make room for it even if you’re full, just like you will make time for at least an hour of conversation with your chatty grandma during the afternoon.
The pumpkin pie preserves itself through the whole day. It is patiently waiting for its time to shine, similar to how your grandmother will wait until everyone is trying to walk out the door to ask her burning questions about your life. But, pumpkin pie is a Thanksgiving classic and a fan favorite. Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without the pumpkin pie or your grandma.
Don’t worry if you’re the chatty grandma, but would rather be the glorious brother. Everyone is a necessity, here. Anyways, it’s hard to choose just one favorite Thanksgiving dish, so don’t limit yourself to being the drunk uncle. Happy Thanksgiving y’all!