On the bottom or on the top? Yea, I’m talking about cheese. What were you thinking?
Photo by @fish.food
It’s a decision that for many, isn’t a decision at all. It’s a way of life. Because we all know…pizza is life. It wasn’t until recently that I suddenly realized how apparently “bizarre” my pizza assembly is. It happened two weeks ago when a friend watched me prepare my pie. I carefully assembled the crust, the correct amount of sauce, loads and loads of pepperoni, and then finally the mozzarella cheese when I received a shocked reaction. “You put the cheese on top of the pepperoni?” [GASP].
I was caught off guard, confused and I suddenly questioned every decision I’d ever made in my life—except wearing the different colored bands on my braces. (That was not okay, and never will be.)
Anyways, back to pizza. I started to think that maybe I was wrong. I quickly reminisced on all the pizza I’ve eaten from various restaurants as well as frozen boxes, and then it hit me. Sure enough, the pepperoni always comes last, on top of the cheese. Why had I not realized this? Why had I been making my pizza incorrectly for 20 years?
But, had I?
Photo by Nicole Goldfarb
After thinking about it for some time now, I may be taking a road less traveled but I’m taking the cheese-goes-last road proudly and I’m doing it for these 3 major reasons.
1. No slip-n-slide for this gal! That’s right. Don’t you hate that feeling of panic whenever you bite into your slice and then slowly watch the tasty goodness slide off of the crust, slap against you chin, and not only leave a sting from the heat, but a sting from the failure of managing to keep your pie together? This happens because all that cheese is stuck to the pepperoni that your teeth so easily fasten onto, and then when the pepperoni goes, the entire structure is compromised. By putting the cheese on top, the only thing you’re pulling away with when you bite down is a mouth full of in-tact pizza goodness.
2. I prefer my pepperonis straighten, not curled. And by curled, I mean burnt. We’ve all burnt a pizza, and if you haven’t then congratulations on living a very sheltered life. Have you ever gone to check on your beautiful pie in the oven only to find that, “OH NO,” the pizza isn’t even completely done, the cheese not entirely melted, yet the pepperonis are charred curled up pieces of one time meat? By adding a beautiful blanket of cheese on top of your pepperonis, you’re saying “dear pepperoni, I love you enough not to kill you.”
Photo by Nicole Goldfarb
3. You’re going to be a standout amongst all of the traditionalists. Clearly the act of putting cheese on top is innovative, and who doesn’t want to be part of the next biggest movement? Imagine the guy who first said, “nahhh I think I’ll bypass this whole new cell phone thing and stick with the old landlines.” Poor kid. He’s probably still strapped to the couch at home, waiting for someone to call. They aren’t going to call. Just like someday, nobody is going to want to eat your tragically layered pizza. It may sound tough, but it’s a tough world out there. Sprinkle your cheese on top next time and the world will seem a little bit brighter. I promise.
Now, strap on your chef hats and take my advice. The fate of the cheese is in your hands.
Photo by Nicole Goldfarb