It’s true: when you think about your closest food friends, pizza is probably in your top five, right up there with burgers and French fries. As the school year heats up (pun intended), it’s time to evaluate your go-to pal for all things late night and budget friendly. Is pizza really who you want by your side when the sauce hits the fan?
1. It’s always there for you
What toppings are you feeling today? Maybe a lighter, veggie pizza, or a heartier meat lover’s? Whatever it is, pizza wants it too. How about leftovers—are you feeling like cold pizza, or microwaved pizza? Pizza’s down for anything.
In a lot of ways, this makes pizza such a great friend to have around. Pizza is flexible and ready for anything, even if it’s a challenge (how much pizza can you shove into your mouth in one bite?) or a new experience (hello, new toppings!).
2. It’ll haunt you
Self-medicating with pizza can leave you with some nasty side effects. Think: breakouts, the freshman 15, and unsightly grease and tomato sauce stains on your furniture and clothes. Sure, a whole pizza sounds good when you’re trying to drown out your personal aches and pains, but wearing it the next day in one way or another? Never a good move.
3. It’ll come to you or meet you out
Do you want to stay in for some Netflix and chill, or go out on the town? Pizza’s ready in PJ’s or that LBD that may be a little tighter than it should be. Whether it’s 12am surrounded by throw pillows and cats or 4am when you’re walking with your heels in your hands, pizza is there for you waiting with open arms. No judgement, just pizza.
4. It’ll burn you
You were so looking forward to that first bite, but no. Think again. That hot cheese that looked so good is sticking to the top of your mouth, burning you and pretty much ensuring that you will never feel whole again. Sometimes the ones we love hurt us the most.
5. It’s grown with you
From the innocent Lunchables days, to bowling alley parties, to sleepovers, to thin crust and fancy Italian meats, pizza and you have matured and developed your own, refined style. You’ve experimented together and found out what works best. You’ve gone through heartthrobs and heartbreaks, coming out the badasses you are today. Pizza is foremost in most of your memories, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
6. It’ll embarrass you
You just took a huge bite and you came away with a big, waving sheet of cheese, shame, and despair. You were so ready for a mouthgasm, but instead you now have to apologize for scarring the retinas of any onlookers, because that was not a pretty sight. So much for looking cute on your date. The moment is ruined, just like your pizza slice.
7. It’s your wingman for every first date
Pizza is cheap, easy, and universally accepted. You guys can get to know each other, bonding over your shared pizza pie experience. The toppings a person prefers tells you everything you need to know about them.
If you think about it, crafting a pizza with someone is a lot like raising a child. You start with an impressionable little blob of dough and work together to build the ideal and beautiful masterpiece that is your dinner. Careful though, with great pizza comes great responsibility.
8. It starts fights
Suddenly, the question “What toppings do you want?” becomes a mad dash for territory and resources, followed by politically-charged discussions that mirror those that took place in the United Nations during the Cold War. Is your dining partner your ally or your enemy? Find out the hard way as you negotiate toppings.
9. It’s there for you at your best and worst
Who needs to pop a bottle of champagne to celebrate your promotion at work when pizza is ready to celebrate with you? Just kidding, pizza and champagne is a fantastic combination, and if you are in a place where you have to decide either or between the two, choose both.
Nothing says you’ve made it like having one hand holding a flute of champagne and the other holding a piece of pizza. Likewise, if you’re mourning the loss of Pumpkin Spice Lattes, pizza is ready and willing to numb the pain and fill the void you thought you’d have to wait until next fall to fill.
10. It totally enables you
Pizza isn’t a real friend. It doesn’t help you through your problems, it only helps you bury them, which ultimately isn’t healthy. It’s not going to give you advice, or self confidence, it’s just going to let you procrastinate in addressing what needs to be done, which isn’t helpful.
Ultimately, a good friendship is a lot like a good slice of pizza: the foundation is classic and delicious, with a personal touch here and there to top it off and make it completely unique. Bottom line: your relationship with pizza is all you. Just try not to be too cheesy.