I always thought the 1960s were a wondrous time for culinary development, but, as it turns out, every generation has their own fucked up cultural creations. While we have reality shows that glorify fake relationships and sex on-air, the post-war generation made some upsetting culinary contributions.
If you ever hear your parents/grandparents complain about the “crap kids eat these days,” and about “how much better” food was in their day, here is a selection of stomach-churning vintage recipes you can shove right back in their faces. More proof that we need to seriously re-think the phrase “Make American Great Again.”
1. Jell-O Lime Cheese Salad
I’m sure that back when lime Jell-O, grated onion, cottage cheese, mayonnaise, and a questionable “seafood salad” were considered a delicious combo, the above image looked seductive. Today, however, it has the exact opposite effect. See what happened when someone actually tried it.
2. Tuna Fish Mold
Another sexy recipe of the gelatinous variety, this honestly upsetting Tuna Fish Mold combines 1960s favorites such as mayonnaise (again), cream cheese, “chunk-style tuna fish,” and, you guessed it, gelatin! I don’t even wanna know what the A.1. sauce was for.
3. Frosted Layered Sandwich Loaf
Initially, this may look like an innocent fruit sponge cake with vanilla frosting, but look a little closer and you’ll find a layer each of ham-pickle filling, chicken salad filling, curried egg filling, and peeled tomatoes.
All of this is packed tightly into sandwich bread and covered with mayonnaise and cream cheese. It must have been the perfect dish for dinner parties wherein ladies sat and giggled while their husbands made crude jokes about them. Ah, the ’60s.
4. Spam Upside Down Pie
SPAM SHOULD NOT BE A THING. Especially not when it’s featured in an upside-down pie. I know people still love it nowadays, but it’s just not for me.
5. Ham and Banana Hollandaise
The recipe title is fairly self-explanatory, so let’s just take a moment to imagine the taste of salty ham merging with the mushy texture of banana, all topped with creamy hollandaise sauce. Hmm, delicious.
6. Almonds In A Haystack
Who wouldn’t love a scrumptious tower of chopped ham, cream cheese, and pickled relish, caked in Miracle Whip and covered in slivered almonds to top off all the goodness?
Let’s all just cry in unison, shall we?
7. Californian Jell-O Ring
Dried prunes, unflavored gelatin, lemon juice, and sugar substitute are whipped together and topped with either vanilla ice cream or “fruit snow” (whatever that is) to create the ultimate retro dessert. At least this recipe doesn’t include a vomit-inducing amount of Heinz mayonnaise.
Overall, I can’t help but wonder whether people read these recipes and genuinely thought they were appetizing. Did they look forward to going to dinner parties to feast on what one can only assume were plates concocted by a very drunk housewife with no palate? With regards to vintage/retro, I’ll take the clothes, but the 1960s and 1970s can keep their recipes.