I’m a person who can go for a week only eating healthy food and feel like an actual health-conscious person. But I’m also a person who can voluntarily go for a week eating only the junkiest food ever, even if it means I’ll be feeling like a piece of roadkill. In that spirit, I decided to go on an adventure to Boston Market, my absolute favorite comfort food that happens to be next door to school. So here is the healthiest meal possible at Boston Market—and the junkiest meal you could think of.
This goes without saying, but every meal comes with a cute loaf of cornbread, which starts you off with 160 calories. Why do you need this? Because this sweet cornbread is guaranteed to make your day.
First off, wanna be healthy?
Quarter White Rotisserie Chicken
This, right here, is for the health-conscious humans who decide that they’re gonna pass up on the juicy thighs. Or, maybe you’re the type who enjoys tough meat and orders well-done steaks. But for those of you who choose this, even 270 calories probably isn’t low enough.
Fresh Steamed Vegetables and Green Beans
Will your taste buds thank you? Maybe your heart will since you’re eating something healthy for your body. To be honest, they aren’t horrible and are exactly what you expect: pretty soggy veggies that need a lot more seasoning. Not bad, but not great either.
The steamed veggies are the lowest calorie side dish on the menu coming in at 60 calories. Even though the green beans are 30 calories more—hitting 90 calories—it may make you happy to hear that most of the time, they’re crunchier than the steamed veggies.
Chocolate Brownie
It seems pretty out of the blue to add a brownie to a meal that’s supposed to be nutritious, but this is the only dessert with calories in the low 300s range. Packing 310 calories (which isn’t much lower than the rest of the meal combined), you get this interestingly chewy brownie.
Now—wanna be junky? (You know you want to.)
Half Rack St. Louis Style BBQ Ribs
Please, half a rack of ribs? That’s nothing. These sweet, salty, and not too dry slabs of perfection have 990 calories, almost five times the calories of the quarter white skinless rotisserie chicken. Even though you might do a double take when you see this number, at least you know you’ll be getting a dish that makes your tummy happy.
Sweet Potato Casserole
Ah, the ultimate side that’s not really a side. It’s shockingly sweet, salty, crunchy, gooey, and everything in between. Rolling in at 450 calories, this dish gives you a solid way to eat two desserts with the reasoning of this sweet potato casserole being a side.
Macaroni and Cheese
Creamy and cheesy, this side of macaroni and cheese (that’s ironically not made of macaroni) gives you that *mouthfeel* you need. Say hello to these yellow noods, and they’ll give you a nice 270 calories.
Slice of Carrot Cake
To finish off your perfectly junky meal, this slice of carrot cake will dollop 730 calories. If you think about it, carrot cake has carrots, so it’s pretty much like eating those steamed veggies. In the end, it’s all the same!
Rounding up both meals (including the cornbread), the healthy(ish?) meal had a total of 890 calories, while the junky one had a total of 2,600. At the end of this Boston Market journey, I realized that my mood really depended on what I ate. After the junky meal, I was so pumped but crashed pretty soon. I didn’t particularly enjoy the healthy meal, but I knew what I was putting into my body was good.
#SpoonTip: Squeeze some Sriracha or at least sprinkle some salt on those veggies, and it’ll make the experience a whole lot better.