I’m all about girl power, and I am always the first to shut down gender roles. “Women belong in the kitchen” is an age old sexist belief that many women have viciously fought to disprove. The truth is that everyone belongs in the kitchen. A diet of peanut butter crackers and Sonic corn dogs isn’t sustainable for anyone, so I decided it was time for me to get into that kitchen.
With a background of burning ramen (not kidding) and googling how to boil water, my cooking career looked bleak. Students around the world can relate to going through these five stages when attempting to cook for the first time.
Stage One: Disbelief
Somehow I was genuinely shocked that I could be an honors student but still not know that it takes more than five minutes for chicken to thaw (seriously did not see that one coming). Questions like “Is the oven on or off?,” “Did I just confuse teaspoon for tablespoon?,” and “What does boiling water actually look like?,” all circulated in my mind, and left me utterly in shock that I managed to live twenty years without knowing this stuff.
To say the least, I was stunned and so embarrassed at my lack of basic knowledge for anything cooking related.
Stage Two: Doubt
I came to the quick conclusion that I was in way over my head. I managed to forget seasoning my chicken, and then promptly decided to take it out of the pan and salvage what I still had. The chicken was partially cooked, and I don’t think the lemon pepper stuck at all. At this point, I was ready to throw in the towel. The future and my stomach were looking extremely bleak. It was time to cave and call my dad for help.
Stage Three: Anger
I was trying, I was Google searching every two minutes, I was calling for advice, I was reading instructions, and nothing was working out. Cooking must have a direct correlation to my love life or something, because nothing was ending up how I expected.
How did I manage to mess up instant mashed potatoes? I was ready to set the kitchen on fire (although I was surprised that hadn’t already happened). My kitchen was not looking Rachel Ray’s, and I was NOT happy about it. “Cooking Mama” on my nintendo DS clearly taught me nothing. WHATEVER.
Stage Four: Acceptance
I turned off the stove, had myself a good little cry, and then promptly posted a funny Snap story of the mess I had created. I reached the stage of acceptance. It was clear wasn’t going to be Susie Homemaker and have a three course dinner on the table every night.
Ramen noodles are actually delicious AF and if you don’t think so, you’re lying. I’ve got other things going for me (not really at all), I DON’T NEED TO LEARN HOW TO COOK, OKAY?! I learned my lesson not to stray too far from easy mac, and I’m never going down that road ever again.
Stage Five: Denial
After throwing myself a rager of a pity party, I decided that I was being dumb. I marched myself back into the kitchen, scooped up some runny mashed potatoes, and cut up the half-burnt/half-raw, chicken and put it on my prettiest plate. This meal isn’t that bad, in fact now that I am in a more clear frame of mind, this meal looks better than anything I’ve ever seen.
I am on par with Gordon Ramsay. This meal could be served to Beyonce (I may be in denial but leave me be). The six boys I sent snapchats to of my meal with the caption “wife me up!! ;)” don’t know how bad it actually was…