So here we go, it’s another ordinary day, and you’re sitting in class thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner. Tacos, spaghetti, or a dank salad with feta cheese and strawberries or something because you’re fancy like that.
Then it hits you—that horrid sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel confident in your abilities to successfully anchor a ship. You have a midterm tomorrow at 8 am and you haven’t studied at all. Maybe you’re screwed, and maybe you’re not, but one thing’s for sure: you’re gonna be up all night like One Direction’s debut album.
Whether you’re at your dorm room, the library, or your respective sorority/fraternity house, you know you need sustenance, and you need it now. The clock strikes 8 pm, and you hustle your buns to the kitchen to collect your supplies. This night is your very own personal episode of Survivor, and you’ve got to make sure you arm yourself with what you need to make it through to see the light of day once again.
8 pm: Caffeine
Grab a coffee for Pete’s sake; make it large and scorching hot. Considering it’s fall, you should totally add some pumpkin spice creamer and two Splenda because three is too sweet, in my opinion. To complement the coffee, you have to be sure to grab two Nature Valley granola bars (the honey flavor of course). This will keep you full for a couple of hours so you can focus on absorbing as much information as possible while you still feel like a human.
11 pm: Snack
Your eyes, they burn. They burn with the fire of a thousand suns from staring at your laptop screen as you slave over a dope Quizlet. Now it’s time to study those 98 terms and memorize them like your life depends on it, because it low key does. Heavy breathing and sweating is a normal reaction to the mini panic attack you are surely feeling as you contemplate how much an F on this exam will affect your future happiness.
You decide it has everything to do with your well-being, and it is imperative that you pass, so you must keep going. Time to grab Pop Secret Popcorn with extra butter and a Diet Coke because nothing says “stay awake” like processed sugar with caffeine and something crunchy. Your mouth will stay busy chewing every little piece, and your brain will stay alert as you get back to the grind.
2 am: Pizza
Your roommates are concerned for your well being at this point. They want to know where you are, if you’re alive and if not, and can they have that skirt you wore to last week’s football game? It was super cute. Rather than responding to anyone, you wallow in the loneliness that is your campus at 2 am on a Monday night. You are alone with your thoughts, and this is where you want to give up.
If you sleep now, you can probably get six hours if you wake up at 8 am. Math, eh? But you can’t give up. Nobody puts Baby in the corner. So you rally and decide you’re gonna see this shindig through to the end. At this point, you have to treat yo’self and get like four slices of cheese pizza and another cup of coffee. Actually, make that two cups.
5 am: Carbs and Sugar
This is where you question your entire existence. Does school actually matter that much? You could run away to Fiji and become a bartender at a resort and be perfectly content. The campus is like a ghost town. You’re pretty sure ghosts of all nighter’s past have whispered in your ear to tell you to give up and go to bed. When does the sun even come up? You don’t know. You literally have no clue.
This is the time to get some fuel in you because you deserve that much. Get yourself an everything bagel with blueberry cream cheese and an iced vanilla latte with soy milk and cinnamon. A breakfast made for champions, like you.
8 am: Obscene Amounts of Coffee
Grab the most caffeinated drinks you can before you find yourself in class about to totally own that scantron. You are tired and weak, and yet you know you’ve come too far to turn back now, so go crush that exam. Seriously. Don’t fail yourself now.
Oh, and next week—don’t forget to write down when you have a test so that you never ever in a million years have to do that again.