Miller’s Ale House is essentially a sports bar, but there is one dish on the menu that some may consider a monster. The Zinger Mountain Melt is a large plate filled with fries, Applewood bacon, melted cheese, green onions, a sauce of your choice, and is topped with boneless wings.
Before you can even consider ordering a Zinger Mountain Melt, you must be one of four things: getting over a breakup, ready to drunk-eat at one a.m., craving major munchies, or just really hungry.
Pro-Tip #1: If you’re a girl, I would recommend splitting the Zinger Mountain Melt with a friend… or two. That way you’re only eating about a thousand calories each.
Once you evaluate yourself and decide that you fall into one of those categories, you can begin the ordering process.
Ordering
You will politely ask for a “Mountain Melt,” and the server will respond with “What sauce would you like that tossed in?” Here are the sauces you can choose from.
My favorites are Mild and Honey Mustard, but if you’re in the mood for a sauce that’s insanely hot, go with the Mt. St. Helens.
Pro-Tip #2: Order the Mountain Melt “crispy.” They’ll know what to do.
Finally, the server will ask if you want blue cheese or ranch. I prefer ranch, but that decision is up to you.
Eating
After about 15 minutes, your meal should be delivered to your table. Make sure you take a quick snapchat and caption it “#foodporn.”
Now, you can begin. I recommend starting with a couple fries to get the salivation juices flowing. Then, take a boneless wing, and repeat.
After about two of those cycles, you’ll feel like you can and will finish the whole thing, but after around five rounds you’ll slow down a little. There are less wings than there are fries, so after seven or eight cycles you will only be eating fries, but that’s fine by me.
Finally, you will reach the last few fries. Tell yourself “I can do it,” for a little self-inspiration. And yes, you can pick the melted cheese and bacon pieces off of the plate. When you finish, you will feel like you have accomplished the impossible.
Now that I’ve told you the steps of ordering and eating one, I must tell you where you can find this gem. There are 76 locations around the country. Plug in your city, state, or zip code here, and enjoy.