Bromance: Sliders


Renee Zhou

Either you don’t have a girl at all or you have too many to remember. Regardless, this year your obligation is not to someone else’s heart, but to your own stomach. Round up your bros to indulge in the second-best threesome on campus: the Slider’s Trio. Feeling adventurous? Eat for two (or ten) in the spirit of the holiday and try to complete the infamous Slider’s Challenge. Be careful boys, this requires commitment (*gasp*). There’s a $30 charge that you’ll be stuck with if you don’t finish your food in time.

Hoemance: Bleu Monkey

Nothing says girls’ night like a table covered with overpriced raw fish and miso soup. This is a perfect Instagram opportunity to show the virtual world that you’re happy without a man. Snap a photo of your feast and see who can come up with most empowering Beyoncé lyrics for the caption. Finish off the night with a few sake bombs and a toast to being #SingleLadies.

Single & Thirsty: Chuck’s


Photo by Laura Palladino

This year the colors of love are orange and blue. The men’s basketball game against Duke happens to fall on your least favorite holiday. Schedule a hot date with the whole team and cheer them on as you drown yourself in a pitcher of Bud Light. Spending Valentine’s Day alone at a bar doesn’t make you lonely—it makes you a dedicated fan. Still feel a void in your heart by the end of the third quarter? An order of fried pickles should take care of that.

Hooking up: Jimmy John’s


Photo by Yujia Zhou

Accidentally running into your insignificant other before 1 am is bad enough. There’s not a chance you two would celebrate this day of love by sharing a meal in public. However, you’re likely to get hungry after engaging in the more private practices of the holiday. Place your order before you hop into bed together—separate bills, of course. Delivery is “freaky fast,” so with any luck the food will come before your hookup does.

Exclusive: appeThaizing

Your Facebook relationship status would be “it’s complicated” if people ever chose that option seriously. Just because it’s a special day you feel an obligation to eat out—in more ways than one. While you both know it’s necessary to acknowledge your exclusive-but-not-ready-to-commit relationship, you want to keep it low key. This little restaurant is conveniently located in a shady basement in a back alleyway where no one from your frat or sorority will spot you. Enjoy great Thai food while keeping your romantic situation as big of a mystery as curry is.

In It For the Long Haul: Faegan’s


Photo by Laura Palladino

You and your sweetheart have lasted longer than both of Kim K’s marriages combined. This is not your first Valentine’s Day together, so the novelty has somewhat worn off. In the end, you both just want to get the three basic human needs out of this holiday: food, alcohol, and sex. Yet you still feel compelled to put in “effort” to go somewhere “nice.” With most of the entrees priced around at least $10, an arguably more sophisticated clientele, and an extensive beer list, this campus pub meets all the requirements. Word to the wise: you won’t get away with using your Rhode Island fake ID to get a drink here. Then again, if you’ve been dating this long you’re probably a senior anyway.


Check out these articles for more Valentine’s Day suggestions: