How much of a UW-Madison Douchebag Are You?

We all know them. Honestly, you might even be one. The non-gender specific, unmistakable qualities that set apart the good old fashioned ‘Scons from the UW-Madison douchebags. Thus, the existential question is raised: Are you a UW-Madison douchebag or not? Take this quiz to find out. 

Give yourself a point for all that apply:

1.  You think it's fair to say that bars outside of The KK exist only to entertain those unable to get in.

2.  You bank all of your discussion abscences for days you plan on being too hung over to make it to class.

3. You brag about the fact that you attend America's #1 party school.

4. It’s not uncommon for you to wear your headphones during class.

5. You have sauntered through crosswalks when everybody clearly stopped to let the cars go.

6. You match with athletes on Tinder just because they're athletes.

7. You have taken up an entire table at College Library to watch Netflix.

8. You’ve done #7 during finals week.

9. Posted anything on Instagram with “szn” in the caption.

10. You walk by dozens of homeless people a day and can’t seem to find any spare change, yet you miraculously find some when passing by the Girl Scouts.

11. You wear sunglasses indoors.

12. You have posted a picture of yourself in front of The KK sign as a minor.

13. You have been featured on @badgerbarstool.

14. You take pride in the fact that you were featured on @badgerbarstool.

15. You throw your trash in the clearly marked recycling bins at College Library.

16. You have ordered a pizza to College Library.

17. You have no regard for pedestrians while riding your moped.

18. You have skipped class to attend FAC.

19. You have told people that college is really about networking, and grades aren’t that important.

20. Your criteria for a potential suitor is how highly ranked their fraternity or sorority is.

21. You own a Canada Goose.

22. You wear frat or sorority apparel acquired from past hook-ups to class.

23. You have never attended a Wisconsin sporting event sober

24. You have used the money your parents gave you for emergencies to replenish you alcohol stash.

26. You brag about the fact that you get waived into bars without showing your ID.

27. You have flirted with a TA.

28. You cut the line at bars unapologetically.

29. You complain about your luxury apartment complex.

30. You sell your football tickets to naive freshman for ridiculous prices.

31. You leave in the middle of class because it’s boring.

32. You feel cultured when you attend a house party.

33. You have made Snapchats of yourself in a beer shower

34. Despite your professors' token comments about computers being a major distraction in lecture, you use it anyways to browse content completely unrelated to the class.

35. You have argued with bouncers about the validity of your fake ID.

36. Your intended major is “investment banking” because you watched 'The Wolf of Wall Street'.

37. UW-Madison's I'm Schmacked video was your motivation for attending the university.

38. You befriend bouncers to help your chances of getting into bars.

39. It’s not uncommon for you to Uber two blocks or less.

40. Mifflin is the only time you attend any sort of house party.

41. Your phone goes off during an exam despite being told multiple times to turn it off

42. You enjoy watching party and game day compilation videos that consist of you and your friends getting drunk with some EDM song playing in the background.

43. You have posed the question “Who do you know here?”

44. You take the elevator up two floors to get to your apartment.

45. You don’t throw your trash down the shoot and let it pile up in trash room instead.

46. You know all of the words to 'I Love College' by Asher Roth

48. You believe that you are more than welcome to talk at any volume in the quiet section of the library when you and your friends can’t find a big enough spot in the loud section.

49. You refer the people you’re romantically involved with to as members of your “roster”.

50. You own a Juul.

If you said yes less than 25 times...

You haven’t succumbed to the ways of the UW douchebags

Those of us at UW-Madison are truly grateful that you’re out there. You clearly have your priorities straight and likely get annoyed with the students who fall into the other two categories. While you’re probably making big things happen, don’t be afraid to let loose every now and again.

If you said yes between 25 and 40 times...

You’re on thin ice

You’ve just barely dodged the full on WOAT reputation, but you’re not far off. You have managed to retain some of the ethical lessons your parents have taught you over the years, but that’s not to say you don’t have the (very) occasional slip up. You’ve probably had your fair share of irresponsible behavior, but you’re willing to forego some Tuesday and Sunday nights out to focus on your studies.

If you said yes to more than 40 of these...

You’re the WOAT

You’re the worst type of person, but if there’s a time to pull it off, it's now or never. Your motivations for attending UW likely fell in your desires to “work hard” and “play hard”, with a heavy emphasis on the latter. Considering that well over half of these questions are alcohol related, you should probably do some self-reflection and potentially seek help.