Well, biology has fucked us all once again. A natural John Tucker. What has she for us this time, mortals?


Yeah, so for those of us out here who love dessert: If we have our cake, we HAVE to eat it, too.

sweet tooth

Gif courtesy of giphy.com

According to the authors in Pediatrics, some people may be genetically inclined to like sugary foods (i.e. to have a “sweet tooth”), making obesity a more serious danger for them than others.

Dr. Julie C. Lumeng, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician at University of Michigan’s C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, told CBS News that the results suggest “some kids are just born with more of an interest in dessert than others.”

Even if parents try to curb the sweet tooth at a young age, Lumeng notes that the predisposition for sweet foods is most likely not something that can be precluded or unlearned.

So the last bit of control you may have attempted to have over yourself in this lifetime (monitoring your dessert intake) just magnified by a million punches to the face because YOU’RE A ‘ZERT BABY. You came out the womb needing sugar.

sweet tooth

Gif courtesy of giphy.com

But, hey, don’t worry. Lumeng has an extremely unsatisfying suggestion for dessert junkies: fresh fruit, dried fruit, dark chocolate and nuts. Save for the dark chocolate, which I actually find disgusting, if we take this advice, we might as well brace ourselves for a life THE MOST vanilla….


My advice: Take no thought of the morrow, have a pulse AND EAT THE DAMN CAKE.