Going out to eat involves a serious condition of the fuck its. Yaaaaaa knooow, the “whatever” mode; the human function that defies all anxiety.
Fuck it is literally a way of life. But it doesn’t matter if you’re not one of those extreme “meh” people; anyone can go full YOLO at restaurants.
1. When you REALLY didn’t plan on boozing, but the waitress asks enticingly, “Can I get you something other than water?”
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No I’m good witttthh….. ah (fuck it), actually I’ll take a margarita.
2. When you’re dieting and you ineffectively try to limit yourself to just one dinner roll.
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Fuck it. They’re too good.
3. When you go to the bathroom and walk right past the sink where you should be washing your hands.
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YOU ALL DO IT. Don’t act innocent. At least Xtina owns it.
4. When you were gonna go with a salad but…
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…you don’t make this face when someone puts a plate of leaves down in front of you. What the F are you, anyway? a Brachiosaurus?….
….ahhh what the fuck. I’ll take some chick. parm. XTRA SPAGHETTI.
5. And when you’re suddenly on margarita #3.
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Thasss ehhtttttt.
6. When the waitress messes up your order and, normally you wouldn’t say anything, but…
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…you’re just goin’ with the theme of the night. Plus you’re smashed.
7. When you told yourself you weren’t gonna get dessert, but the dessert menu has resting bitch face.
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Faccccccckkk it. Chocolate cake get in my bellaayyyy.
8. When your friend doesn’t have enough $$ and you’re the hero that offers to spot her. Meanwhile you make $300/week and your alcohol habit squanders 75% of that.
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I got this. I’ll pay for it with my nice wad of fuck it.
9. When you look at the price of your dinners combined (and it’s freaking expensive) but hand the waitress your card like you don’t give a sheeeee.
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And there goes my last buck. *Smile*
DON’T YOU SEE. Going out to eat is a way to remind yourself: I’M ALLIVVEEEE. And what also reminds you that you’re alive is the shitty feeling after all… of those… fuck its.
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