Our parents told us a lot of lies when we were kids. From the Tooth Fairy to your pet gerbil “running away,” a lot of these lies were, I’ll admit it, for our benefit. I feel like a lot of the time, though, parents tell us these things for pure entertainment on their end. Among these lies were those told about food: what to eat, what not to eat, and everything in between. I compiled a list of some of the best lies my friends and fellow foodies were told by their parents, siblings, and older family members throughout their childhood. You have my blessing to use them on your future children.
Photo by Dani Crepeau
“My mom used to tell me Doritos were a vegetable.” – Austin Avanesian
“My friend tried being a vegetarian when she was young. She wasn’t getting enough protein, so her mom told her that chicken came from the ground.” – McKenna Rielly
“My parents told me that fried calamari was fried macaroni so I would eat it.” – Alex Manna
“My dad’s best friend told me that pepperoni was made out of cow heart so that he could get the last slice of pizza. My brother also told me that cool whip was made out of newspaper.” – Hannah Kirby
Photo by Dani Crepeau
“My parents told me sweet potatoes were candy.” – Danielle Goldstein
“My mom said ice cream trucks were music trucks so she didn’t have to buy me ice cream.” – Amanda Quinn
“My mom used to tell me that for every grain of rice I leave in my bowl, it’s another pimple on my face.” – Tiffany Cheng
“My parents would tell me all meat tastes like chicken. PSA: All meat does not taste like chicken.” – Holly Kaufman
“You know the phrase ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away?’ Well, my grandparents would tell me that if I didn’t actually eat an apple the doctor would really come for me.” – Brendan O’Connell
“If you eat watermelon seeds, watermelon trees will grow in your belly.” – Briana Trifiro
“My mom told me my eyes would fall out if I didn’t eat my carrots.” – Aaron Ayree
Photo courtesy of Shevmeg on Instagram
“My brother used to hate getting fed and would be really fidgety. This isn’t a lie necessarily, but one day my dad put Irish mustard (really spicy mustard) on the spoon under the food he was feeding him. My brother ate it, cried, and still doesn’t eat mustard to this day.” – Meghan Shevlin
“My mom told me raisins were cranberries that didn’t eat their vegetables so they got all wrinkly.” – Catherine Emond
“My grandparents told me that calamari was chicken rings so I would eat it. This went on for ten years. They also tried to tell me crab cakes were chicken fingers but they didn’t fool me on that one.” – Catherine Glavin
Photo by Dani Crepeau
“My mom would tell me that butternut squash was orange potatoes.” – Marissa Basile
“Beef was just meat from a brown chicken. My mom also told my brother that Dino nuggets were made out of real dinosaur meat and that he caused their extinction just to get him to eat regular nuggets.” – Maddie Adams
“My friends mom told her that crackers were cookies. She literally thought crackers were dessert until she had a cookie at a friends house.” – Erin McCarthy
Photo by Dani Crepeau
“Remember the gushers commercial where if the kid ate one their head turned into the fruit flavor they ate? Well I was told that actually happened if you eat gushers.” – Luis Castellanos
“My dad would tell me that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on wonder bread were good for you.” – Erin Davis
“My friend’s mom always told her that pizza crust would make her hair curly, so she and her sister always eat the crust.” – Allison Wild
“My parents told me the Filet-O-Fish at McDonald’s was just a chicken sandwich so I would eat it.” – Amanda Pitts
Photo by Dani Crepeau
“Margarine is better than butter, and fat is bad for you. Everything should always be fat free.” – Andrea Jacobs
“My mom told me that milk was what gave the power rangers their power… I turned into the poster boy for Got Milk… #StillNotAPowerRanger” – Derek MacDonald
“My mom was very creative. She told me and my siblings that fish was just organic pork in order to get us to eat it, and I’m the only idiot child that bought it. Also, not sure if this counts as a lie, but it’s certainly very deceiving: Mrs. Luti used to shred zucchini into our pancake batter in order to get us to eat it.” – Mitchell Luti
Parents: 1. Us: 0.