Just as our favorite food or favorite color contribute to our personality, the drink we order at the bar has to tell us something about ourselves. Each drink differs in its own way, but what do you order? How do you act when you throw them back?
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Vodka
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Well, this could be dangerous. You’re probably in high school, and frankly have no idea how to drink. Thus, you’re chugging plastic water bottles full of watered-down rubbing alcohol and chasing with the classic Coke (because you love carbonation) or lemonade (because the sugar really dilutes the taste). Or you’re just lookin’ to get wild and get wild quick. Why must there be a wait to get drunk? What is this “buzzed” you refer to? Vodka drinkers may never know.
Margarita
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Margaritas are for the people always down to party, the perpetual Spring bBreakers, or the middle-aged women looking to relive their younger years. A classic, well-made margarita can go down pretty smoothly and the tequila can be close to absolutely concealed. In other words, these can be pretty dangerous. But hey, to each their own.
Gin and Tonic
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A gin and tonic is meant for the people who’d really love a cocktail yet have no imagination. I mean, really? Carbonated water? With gin? We, as a human race, can do better. I’d say the stereotypical “gin and tonic” drinker might be an older white male with too much money. You don’t get into bar fights, you get into bar disagreements. Or you simply just live too fast-paced of a lifestyle to dick around. You’re at the bar for one thing and one thing only: a cocktail. And you can even abbreviate your drink’s name down to two letters. Well done.
Beer
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You’re the chill dude at the party. While throwin’ back a few beers, you’re obviously down for a good time, but either really appreciate good beer, or you just stick to the cheap high school stuff because your taste buds don’t allow you to stray too far. Regardless, you know how to have a good time without getting too wild, and you’re normally the one ordering the pizza and putting your friends to bed later. Good work.
Mojito
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You have it out for the bartender, therefore you must order possibly the most complicated drink. That mint better be perfectly chopped. No stems allowed! And remember, bartender, I said simple sugar, not granulated. However, once a few of these have gone to the head, your complicated orders wear down and you turn to the vodka shots. You just want a good time, and being a hardo just might lead you down that path.
Tequila
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Who hasn’t heard the famous saying, “one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor?” Just as there’s a hint of truth in every saying, we know those tequila nights call for a mean hangover. However, the fun in drinking tequila is the journey, not the destination. You’re bound to be a wild drunk looking for the dopest parties, littest bars, and loudest music. When one drinks tequila, their clothes are bound to fall off and end up who knows where.
Wine
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Whoever once thought it’s a good idea to get hammered with a few bottles of wine will soon head right for bed. Yes, they’re chill and down for whatever. As long as sleep is involved.
Cosmo
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The women who drink this might still wear their sorority letters, and probably ditched their husband for a GNO. Their nails are painted in Esse’s Fiji and they’re still addicted to Sex in the City reruns. Only one Cosmopolitan will get these women “soooo drunk” and they’ll have to text their ex-boyfriend from ten years ago they met at that sorority mixer and then gossip about their “drunk” convo the next morning over brunch. Watch out, bartender!