Bikini season is beginning—if you’re anywhere South, that is (you northerners can keep getting drunk on snow). To help you prepare, the internet is all abuzz with dieting advice. But before you try some of those, like the South Beach or Paleo diets, you may want to consider one of these five: the latest, trendiest, most cutting-edge diets that guarantee happiness, a full stomach and absolutely no weight-loss. Go forth and diet.

1. The Vowel Diet

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Photo by Megan Prendergast

The Rules

Eat whatever you want, as long as it starts with a vowel. Eggs, Oreos and asparagus are all viable options, as are ice cream and upside-down cake (or this upside-down grilled cheese). Unpasteurized milk and uncooked meat could work too, if you’re determined.

What You’re Eating

Breakfast

Lunch & Dinner

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Photo by Bernard Wen

Dessert & Snacks

2. The Instagram Diet

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Photo by Becky Hughes

The Rules 

Pick your favorite foodstagram account, whether it be of the health-nut, dessert or general food porn variety, and attempt to copy and consume the enviable edibles. Extra points if you document the experience on Instagram.

What You’re Eating

Breakfast

  • A perfectly symmetrical meal of freekeh and fried egg sprinkled with pimento cheese. Fig pudding espresso on the side.

Lunch

  • Take your pick from these 11 mouthwatering Instagram sandwiches.

Dinner

  • If breakfast or lunch was a struggle, these Instagram how-to videos will make dinner a breeze. Kind of.

Dessert

  • I’ll throw you a bone. A delicious, frozen, Ben & Jerry’s-flavored bone.

A photo posted by Ben & Jerry’s (@benandjerrys) on

3. The Junk Food Diet

diets

Photo by Bernard Wen

The Rules

Low nutritional foods constitute this counter-diet. Most of your calories will come from packaged foods, but fast food is more than acceptable here, too.

What You’re Eating

Breakfast

Lunch & Dinner

  • Anything from McDonald’s (yes, the salads too)
  • Pizza (whether it’s Domino’s or Pizza Hut, this is the classic junk food)
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Photo by Libby Perold

Dessert & Snacks

4. The T.V. Dinner Diet

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Photo by Jocelyn Hsu

The Rules

Frozen food only. Don’t fret, the variety of prepackaged food is pretty astounding, and there are some pretty healthy options nowadays.

What You’re Eating

Breakfast

  • Kellogg’s Toaster Waffles with frozen berries
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Photo by Dina Zaret

Lunch & Dinner

Dessert & Snacks

5. The Circular Foods Diet

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Photo by Phoebe Melnick

The Rules

If it’s round, it’s fair game.

What You’re Eating

Breakfast

  • Bagel sandwich or donuts (Both are inception-level circular—they’ve got circles within circles)
  • Oranges (or pretty much any fruit)

Lunch & Dinner

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Photo by Santina Renzi

Dessert & Snacks

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Photo by Kelda Baljon

Which diet will you choose?

Curious about some real diets? Check out these: