The leaves have fallen, the temps have dipped, it's dark super early and you have finally recovered from that Halloween hangover. What does this all mean? It means that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. It’s that wonderful time of year when you head home for a few days to a house full of family and relaxation. Also there, waiting for you with open arms, are all of those annual traditions that you love so much.
Or, if you’re like me, you cannot wait to get through this long weekend and all of the craziness that goes along with it, such as these oh-so-fun traditions.
"You’ve gotten so big."
Is there anything worse to say to somebody than this? Honestly, this has to stop. The sun rising in the east? That is nature. Being over 40 and telling your nephew that he has gotten big? That is not. It is an excuse used to cover up for the fact that you have nothing else to say/you might not remember his name. How satisfying would it be to say it back? Just once?
Saying what you’re thankful for
This tradition has fallen out of favor recently, much to the chagrin of nobody. But for those unfortunate few remaining out there on the front lines of the family pow wow, my condolences. “I’m thankful for when the tryptophan and red win hits everybody so that I can take the car while you are all snoozing... lightweights,” said no one ever/thought everyone always.
Having to watch the younger kids
Thanksgiving is supposed to be the time of year to relax and visit with family and friends, unless you are visiting on break from college, during which it is time to hone up on those babysitting skills. One can only play Monopoly so many times before wanting to shove the thimble into your retina.
Your drunk uncle bragging about his college days
“You only had how many beers?” “Thirsty Thursday? What about Wednesday? Tuesday?” “Chug was my nickname.” “Slept through midterms and got straight B's.” “The girls back then...” “Kickball champs for years running.” “I functioned better hungover.” “Sophomore Spring was a complete blur.” Should I stop now?
Having nowhere to watch football because everyone has fallen asleep on the couch
Ah, yes, 5pm, that magical time when you want to sit down and watch the rest of the football game, and yet, a problem arises. The entirety of your living room is taken over by sleeping middle-agers. Snores abound, drool is present, and even a few belts are undone. A more heinous sight you cannot recall. Looks like you’re stuck with another round of Go-Fish with your cousins in elementary school who enjoy nothing more than telling you all about how they learned about the pilgrims.
Until next year. Gobble Gobble!