The summer season might be coming to an end, but you know what’s just beginning? “Bachelor in Paradise” season! BiP is the most dramatic, crazy, and trashy that Bachelor Nation gets, and I don’t know about you, but I am here for it. For two nights a week, I get to kick off my heels, de-stress from work, and live vicariously through our fan favorites (or parasites). I mean, who wouldn’t want a fully-paid vacation to Mexico filled with booze, fun activities, and gorgeous people?
Oh, right, maybe you when you realize that all this goes down in just 14 days. I’m gonna need a drink to get through these two hours every Monday and Tuesday.
But don’t just drink your rosé mindlessly. Drink with a purpose: to get through this ridiculous yet addictive show. Here’s a “Bachelor in Paradise” drinking game to help you accomplish just that.
#SpoonTip: Please drink responsibly! Spoon University does not support underage drinking or binge drinking.
Take a sip when…
Grocery Store Joe charms the pants off of you.
Including, but not limited to: his smile, his Chicago accent, reference to his fresh produce, his laugh, etc.
Gross exotic creatures serve as a gag.
Cheap laughs, even cheaper wine.
You miss Wills and his crazy outfits.
Gone, but not forgotten. #WillsforTheBachelor #JusticeforWills #WhereTheresaWillsTheresaWay
Someone gets or finds a date card.
That’s a cue (card) if I’ve ever seen one.
Take two sips when…
You find yourself rooting for a former villain.
If Jordan doesn’t find someone to drink wine and watch rom-coms with him on his couch, love is dead.
A new person arrives in Paradise.
Will your favorite BiP couple survive?
Wells and/or Yuki are in the confessional.
We truly don’t deserve these pure, (inter)national treasures.
A contestant who wasn’t memorable their season suddenly dominates BIP.
Angela is really out here redeeming herself and getting all the screen time right now.
Finish your drink when…
Krystal’s baby voice comes back.
She couldn’t speak normally forever.
David’s obsession with Jordan is annoying you more than usual.
We wish the chicken never crossed the road into Mexico, either.
Bibiana’s butt gets censored.
I mean, she said for herself that that’s her goal.
Kenny shows off his wrestling moves.
He’s flexing (literally and figuratively).
Take a shot when…
The Tia-Colton situation becomes too unbearable.
It’s called Bachelor in Paradise, not Tia and Colton in Paradise.
Someone goes home, and not because there aren’t enough roses at the rose ceremony.
Medical emergency, work commitments, too much drama—oh my! The possibilities are endless!
Former Bachelor contestants pay a visit.
Make it a double if it’s as cringe-worthy as Raven saying that she’s back in the place where she “had her first orgasm.”
A couple unexpectedly breaks up.
To get over the shock of such a betrayal to us Bachelor Nation fans.
Save this page so that you’re ready with your glass of wine for the only “Bachelor in Paradise” drinking game you’ll ever need. It’ll come in handy every Monday and Tuesday evening, that’s for sure.