I have been a fan of ABC’s “The Bachelor” since I was probably too young to be watching it (seriously, shout out to Trista and Ryan). I remember Emily Maynard choosing Jef with one “F” Holm over Arie Luyendyk Jr. back in 2012, and instantly thinking she made a mistake. Arie was a seemingly mature, yet badass race car driver who would make a great husband. And Jef was meant to be mine. Anyways, six years later, here we are watching Arie trying to find his one true love on national television for the second time.
Unfortunately, many are dubbing this season a little awkward, between the trauma flashbacks, Arie’s pre-makeout shimmy, and the terrible group date themes—one almost had a contestant drinking her own pee. Actually, it’s super awkward.
Awkwardness—like lining up for a rose ceremony where your boyfriend just got done making out with your friends and is now comparing his relationship with you against 20 others—is best combatted with drinking. So if you’re gonna watch this ishhh, it should be with a glass of vino in hand. Here’s the ultimate “Bachelor” drinking game for Season 22.
Take a Sip
When someone brings up the rose on a date
Quit looking at it. It smells fear.
When someone cries
You’d cry too if you didn’t have a way to check Snap Maps to see where your boo really is. He better not be with a Lauren rn.
When Arie kisses someone
Maybe take half a sip so you don’t finish your drink in the first 5 minutes of the show.
When someone talks about how much they can’t stand Krystal
These edits are not helping her case.
When Krystal talks about how she’s a much better fit for Arie than anyone else
She might not have cared about making friends during taping, but it would have helped her make fans while it airs.
Take Two Sips
Whenever Arie stumbles over his words
“You’re excited about excitement?”
When Arie says, “You know what I mean?” or “You know?”
WE KNOW.
When someone talks about being there for the “right reasons”
Becoming a social influencer can be a good reason, too, right?
When someone says, “Sorry, can I steal him for a sec?”
She’d prefer you didn’t.
When someone mentions Bekah’s age
Because the 25-year-olds on the show are far more ready to marry a 36-year-old man than a 22-year-old.
When Krystal makes a speech
“I mean, I feel like…”
When Tia swears like a sailor
Where can I sign up to join Tia and Raven’s girl gang?
When you see Lauren B. and you totally forgot she exists
Wow, totally forgot.
When you see Ashley and wonder if she’s been there this whole time
Seriously?
Finish Your Drink When
Whenever a country artist you’ve never heard of sings to the happy couple
Would the concert be cancelled if he hadn’t given her the rose?
Whenever someone talks about cars or racing. Puns included.
Tonight’s “Bashelor” episode features a demolition derby!
When there’s a steamy (read: awkward) hot tub scene
Grandma, close your eyes for this part!
When Chris Harrison says, “Ladies, the final rose.”
Yes 👏 we 👏 know 👏
Take a Shot When
When someone says, “I only want to be married once.”
Yeah, that’s kind of the point.
When someone refers to Arie’s lips as “soft pillows”
Ugh, please, just stop.
If Arie ever shimmies again before leaning in for a kiss
NO.
Give this drinking game a go if you want to give this season the personality that the cast doesn’t. It’s guaranteed to be more lit than Chris Harrison crashing your Bachelor-viewing party for a segment during “After The Final Rose.”
#SpoonTip: Please drink responsibly! Spoon U does not support binge drinking or underage drinking, friends.