If America is known for one thing, it’s that everything, and I do mean everything, revolves around food. That’s exactly why fall is our greatest season. We willingly go into a sugar coma on Halloween, spend all of Thanksgiving stuffing our faces, and go Black Friday shopping to buy new pants to accommodate our food babies.
Thankfully for us ‘mericans, it’s that time of year again. Thanksgiving is basically an emotional whirlwind, which can be perfectly outlined by your favorite childhood TV shows.
1. You Pick The Perfect Outfit
Dressing up for Thanksgiving is a thing of the past. How are you supposed to eat your weight in various meats and pies if you’re too busy trying not to bust through your jeans and send your shirt buttons halfway across the room? Stretchy pants = unlimited food options. Think of the possibilities here, people.
2. You Make Your Game Plan
You can smell all the deliciousness, but you can’t actually eat anything for, like, three more hours. So you roll up in the kitchen and nag your mom until she lets you sneak a sample. It works every damn time, trust me.
3. Your Annoying Relatives Show Up
Holidays are great for reconnecting with distant relatives, except for Thanksgiving, when everyone bursts through your front door, makes awkward small talk, eats all of your food, watches a football game, and either crashes on your couch or just peaces out. Hopefully they brought something delicious
4. You’re Hangry
You avoided eating a real meal all day to prepare your body. But now, your relatives are here and whenever someone asks how you are, you automatically reply with an eye roll and your stomach growls on cue.
5. You Finally Eat
Grace has been said, the turkey’s been carved, it’s finally your turn to get a crack at that buffet table — and you just go ham. Pun fully intended.
6. You Question Your Life Choices
Your brain keeps telling you that you really don’t need that extra helping of mac n’ cheese, but screw it. It’s the one day of the year when you cast your insane diet aside and eat whatever the hell you want (yolo, amirite?).
7. Your Reality Sets In
You’ve just put more food in your stomach than you thought humanly possible. You can’t see your toes anymore, but it’s cool, because that meal was tasty AF. Don’t think about how much you just ate — focus on finishing that last piece of pumpkin pie. Go big or go home, there is no half-assing Turkey Day.
8. You Settle in for Your Food Coma
Everyone knows it, turkey makes you tired. Naturally, you curl up to drift off into tryptophan dreamland, but you’re woken up every five minutes to say goodbye to some relative who hasn’t seen you since you were two (and can’t get over the fact that you’ve grown in the past nineteen years). Just let me sleep, pls.
9. Your Relatives Finally GTFO
Finally, they’re all gone. You’re left to admire your various food stains and walk around sans-pants. Congratulations, you’ve survived another family holiday. Go get some real sleep and rally for tomorrow’s leftovers.
And of course, props to Ms. Grotke for always keeping us in check.