Remember freshman year when you were more concerned with gaining the freshman 15 than the “laxatives in the food” rumor? As a junior, I have thankfully moved on from the inevitable freshman 15 myself, but am still unsure about that rumor some senior told me about the dining hall food making me sh*t my brains out minutes after ingesting it (sorry for the grotesque language, but that’s exactly how they worded it).

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Considering the perpetual rumor of laxatives and the fact that they used to sell food to prisonsSodexo has received a lot of complaints over the years from college students. No matter what school you go to, you have likely heard that your local dining hall pollutes the food with laxatives, whether it’s to keep the food fresh or to “help the students with digestion” (what?).

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But I am here to tell you that this my friends, is a lie. According to director of administration for Sodexo (probably your school’s food facilitator), it’s more your shitty diet that’s causing you sudden trips to the bathroom rather than the food you’re eating. “If you’re choosing just fried foods and you’re not including salad and fruits and vegetables, that may cause some General Index distress. But everybody is very unique,” he says.

Dining hall staff also blame it on students drinking habits. They say, “Alcohol acts as a poison. It goes through your intestine and it inflames all the micro villi that are in your intestine.”

Tell us something we don’t know – we’re going to continue to binge drink the next night anyway. However, it now looks like we can’t place the blame on that turkey sandwich and chips we just ate from the dining commons.

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My philosophy is, however, that the dining hall food just generally sucks, and our bodies don’t want anything to do with it. It is low grade and disgusting (has even been called “Sodex-Poo”…. ew) there’s really no light way to put it.

If you have the option avoid the dining hall altogether, do it. There are tons of easy and cheap recipes and foods to buy if you’re trying to stay healthy. If you don’t, take the advice from the dining hall employees. Basically, try some broccoli with those curly fries and hot wings, or substitute the mashed potatoes for sweet potatoes, because your stomach will thank you.