We’ve all had that morning — the one that entails hitting the snooze button one too many times, catching every red light, and circling around the parking lot just to end up walking five blocks into your fav coffee shop to see that the line is out the door.
This is about the time you start wondering what you did in your life to deserve this. Waiting in line is inevitable, and so is meeting these types of people. Brace yourself as you take a trip down memory lane to when you’ve been less than entertained with one or all of these types of people.
*Disclaimer: You definitely fall into one of these categories.
1. That one girl who orders the venti caramel Frappuccino with whipped cream, but emphasizes the fat free milk.
You’re not fooling a.n.y.o.n.e. but yourself. You kind of sound like a middle schooler who decides she needs to be skinnier, so she eats 8 “reduced fat” Oreos. Still not working. Once you decide to drink a meals worth of calories, those extra 30 aren’t going to do much. I appreciate the effort though.
2. The couple making out.
Stop. Please, just stop. You’re ruining my appetite. He clearly didn’t even bring you your morning coffee bedside, so he’s not even worth it. Oh, and it’s like 9 am.
3. That one person who asks the employee what their favorite is.
This is just time consuming and annoying; Barbara doesn’t know that you’re gluten free and dairy intolerant. Not that you’ve been in line for 20 minutes and didn’t have time to make up your mind or anything.
4. The substituter.
You want a vanilla latte? With the sugar free syrup? Soy milk or hmm, maybe almond? You are truly the worst kind of person. There’s a menu for a reason, just pick something, anything (that’s on the menu).
5. The intern ordering for the entire office.
Yea sure don’t worry, I’ve already been waiting in line for 15 minutes, what’s another 15 at this point? Are you questioning your life as much as I am right now? Your future employers can see right through your “assistant” title to the reality of “coffee-carrier.”
6. The small-talker.
Because we all know how pleasant I am without my morning coffee, oh and I’m HANGRY. What are you accomplishing from this? Do you actually care where I’m from? If you do, that’s concerning. My mama always told me not to talk to strangers and I’m not about to start now.
7. The skipper.
No way, that’s only ok when I do it. Did anyone ever teach you manners? I really don’t care if you’re running late to some meeting or if the sky is falling, I. Need. My. Coffee. Now.
8. The tone deaf singer.
Yes, we have all heard this song. No, we don’t want to hear you mumble it. Scooter Braun is not behind you in line and no, you are not about to be discovered. But I do hope that I’m being Punk’d. Hi Ashton, you can come out now.
9. The overly polite (low key creepy) guy that insists you go first.
Is this your way of flirting? I promise you’re not getting my number out of this but like, thanks for flattering me on this glorious morning.
#SpoonTip: Put headphones in even if you’re not listening to anything. Your annoyance level will reduce from 150% to like… 99%.
P.S. Have you ever heard of a Keurig?