Arby's and I go way back. Arby's is like an old friend to me that I greet every so often when I am desperately craving a classic roast beef sandwich and crunchy curly fries. I have fond memories of being on family road trips feeling famished and getting salvation by the glowing red neon light of the Arby's cowboy hat. Even in the darkest of times, I have defended Arby's deliciousness from my less enlightened friends. However, today may be the darkest day of them all, a day I cannot defend Arby's. 

The Arby's Gyro

It seems like every time I see an Arby's commercial, they are releasing some new creation that strays far from the roast beef I have known and loved my entire life. For instance, the turkey gyro. A gyro? When did Arby's catch the Mediterranean bug? Next you're gonna tell me Arby's is selling cordon bleu and fajitas. Oh, they are? Oh. 

The Arby's gyro is fascinating to me. Coming in at about 470 calories, the Arby's gyro doesn't stray too far from the gyro all of us probably know. It's got your pita, lettuce, tomato, onion, and what Arby's calls "Greek seasoning." More importantly, it even comes with tzatziki sauce instead of it just being smothered in Arby's sauce, which I will admit would be kind of delicious.

It's just the fact that in my wildest dreams, I cannot imagine ordering one of these things from Arby's of all places. I mean, I sometimes I get the hankering for Greek on the go, but not necessarily from here, folks. 

Mild Steak Fajita Flatbread

Arby's obsession with adventure doesn't end there, though. Next up, we've got the Mild Steak Fajita Flatbread. It's about 580 calories and it's got classic Angus steak, avocado sour cream sauce, Colby cheese, red and yellow peppers, onions, lettuce tomato, and of course pita bread. I don't even know what to say here, except the fact I would never order this thing. Who said that Arby's should take a crack at Tex-Mex? It's almost astounding how weird this is.

King's Hawaiian Fish Deluxe

Now, I already don't trust fast food fish enough, and Arby's certainly isn't helping me come around to the idea of seafood via the drive-thru window. The King's Hawaiian is 690 calories of "wild-caught" Alaskan Pollock, tartar sauce, iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese, and a King's Hawaiian Bun. It's also very salty, carrying 1000 mg of sodium, which is nearly half the amount sodium adults can have per day. Whoa. That's a lot of salt. I would stay away from this catch.

Smokehouse Brisket

Arby's Smokehouse Brisket almost begs the question: how much do I care about my personal health? The Smokehouse Brisket is pretty much the fast food protest against health and that's kind of beautiful. The thing comes in at 600 calories and 1240 mg of sodium, which is actually 240 mg more than the King's Hawaiian Fish Deluxe. Wow

Arby's Apple Crisp 

Let's talk about the Arby's Apple Crisp. The crisp is about 570 whopping calories and it's got spiced cinnamon apples, warm vanilla cake, topped with streusel and drizzled with caramel, and of course whipped icing. I mean, this thing is a heart attack waiting to happen. Truly the perfect dessert after slamming a gyro and fajita. But all jokes aside, I would actually eat this thing. It does look pretty damn good.

Final Thoughts 

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I should give Arby's a chance. Why should I be upset when America's Roast Beef Your Way wants to expand, exploring new creations and bringing them to more palates? Maybe I'm the one who has grown bitter as Arby's has begun to see new people and experience new cultures. It's like Arby's has gone out and seen the world while I have only stuck to my corner of the globe, clinging to my roast beef sandwich because it's safe. Good on you Arby's, and godspeed.