If you ask me, the best Halloween years were the ones where it was socially acceptable to dress up in something completely ludicrous and harass your neighbors for free candy. Those were the good old days. Unfortunately, for many of us, those days are long gone, replaced by frat parties and social gatherings.
The sweet, innocent costumes we got at Party City are now replaced with slutty, provocative ones, and all the candy has been replaced with booze. I mean, I have nothing against alcohol, but free candy always seems to be the better of the two.
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We had high hopes for delicious candy while we frolicked through our neighborhoods with an eager skip and an anxious pumpkin basket, but sometimes those hopes would fall short. Sometimes certain houses would crush our dreams by giving us mediocre treats that were just not up to par with our standards.
We longed for full-sized snickers bars and buckets just left outside houses overflowing with goodness. Not the cheap, crappy garbage some people tried thrusting upon us. We demanded grade-A quality cavity-inducers, and the rest of the worthless stuff stayed at the bottom of our baskets until our moms threw them away. So with that being said, here are the top ten best and worst Halloween candy we all used to get as trick or treaters.
The Worst…
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Double Bubble Gum
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Gum can be cool, but only if it’s Five gum or at least Juicy Fruit or something. This crappy pink stuff was just a sad excuse for gum and the flavor ran out (like this) within five minutes. Who even wants that?
Coins
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First of all—what the hell?! This was just a lame, last minute option for grandmas and grandpas who clearly forgot to go out and buy some damn candy. I remember the first time this old lady on my block put three pennies and a nickel in my basket. I looked at her like she had just ran over my cat. Not cool gramps. Not cool.
Peppermint
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Okay, I have a serious issue with peppermint. It tastes like I’m brushing my teeth, and when I was young, brushing my teeth was the low point of my day. Why would I want to be reminded of it when I’m supposed to be indulging in something delicious? No. Just no.
Raisins
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WHYYYYYY. C’monnnnnn. Noooooo. Raisins?! You’ve gotta be kidding me. Keep those in your pantry and away from my Halloween basket. #KThxBye
Dots
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Dots were just horrible on all levels. They looked promising, sure. All tiny, colorful, and full of potential. But when you took a bite of them, you were faced with an odd taste and an inability to get the gunk out of your molars. No thank you. Mom? Want some candy?
Now The Top Five Best…
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Snickers
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A Snickers bar is like Jesus among disciples. A president among senators. A Regina George among Plastics. It is the all-hailing ruler of all other chocolate bars and whenever I saw those babies in a bowl of candy, I dove right in. Eyes on the prize. Every. Time.
Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
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No one can go wrong with Reeses’s. You’re combining the two things most loved by children—peanut butter AND chocolate. It’s a win-win people. Now get it together and go buy some Reeses.
Twix
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Twix was the delicacy of the bunch. You were lucky as hell if you got some Twix in your Halloween basket at the end of the night, and those suckers were prime trading tokens when you and all of your friends dumped your candy on the floor after trick or treating and traded. They were worth like five tootsie rolls.
Skittles
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Skittles are freaking great. Whether they were original, sour, or tropical, skittles made us all happy. Their different flavors kept us on our toes, and the extreme sugar content kept us from sleeping. #Win
M&Ms
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M&M’s are little bags of happiness. Whether it be peanut, peanut butter, or regular (they didn’t have pretzel M&M’s back in the day, but that would have completely changed the game), they always seemed to put a smile on my face and cavities in my mouth.