When I was in college, there was a thing called “Castle Thursdays.” On Thursday nights, it was assumed everyone (from football players to frat guys) would end up at The Castle, a bar about fifteen minutes off campus.
Thankfully, I usually left with all of my limbs and my sanity in tact—but I’ll never forget the one night I literally woke up on a table with no one I recognized in sight, and was way past the point of being coherent. So, when you find yourself in this situation (and you most likely will someday), WTF do you do?
1. Stop Drinking Alcohol
The worst thing you can do is keep drinking. Yes, it might help numb you to the fact that you’re lost and/or alone, but it won’t help get you to where you need to be. So whatever you were drinking, push it away, and don’t accept another alcoholic beverage for the rest of the night. You have more important things to focus on.
2. Start Drinking Water
If you’re able to stand, walk up to the bar and ask for a glass of water. Since alcohol literally dehydrates you, you’ll need to rehydrate yourself ASAP. If possible, get a second glass and chug that too.
3. Eat Something
If you’ve reached that level of drunkenness, you most likely had little to nothing in your stomach (guilty) so you’re gonna need to do something about that. Now is the perfect time to try those loaded nachos everyone has been raving about.
4. Avoid Coffee
If you think coffee is a good way to wake yourself up while intoxicated, you’re wrong. According to one study, “Alcohol may lessen the effects of caffeine, but caffeine doesn’t mitigate the impaired decision-making brought on by alcohol.” So skip the Starbucks run and other potentially bad decisions.
Unfortunately, the only way to truly sober up is to give yourself time. Nothing you do will legitimately decrease your blood alcohol level at a faster rate, so if worse comes to worse, safely find a seat and try to look a little less drunk until you actually feel like it.