Some people seek to win awards such as Oscars, Grammys, or Nobel Peace Prizes. These are all fine and good and I’m sure most people who win them are cool, but there is another honor that holds even more weight in the U.S.: People’s Sexiest Man Alive. Now, many hotties have graced the past magazine covers including 2023’s Patrick Dempsey, 2022’s Chris Evans, 2021’s Paul Rudd, and 2020’s Michael B. Jordan. Forgive me for (respectfully) drooling. This year, Stephen Colbert announced that People’s Sexiest Man Alive cover star is actor and director John Krasinski.
This year’s Sexiest Man Alive, Krasinski, appeared alongside fan-voted hotties and more hot man honorees in their latest issue. And, believe me, I know that being sexy is hard, exhausting work. *Flips hair.* So, of course, I feel called to feed these smoke shows so that they are nourished enough to keep flexing, soft-smiling, and smizing. Here’s what I would feed People’s Sexiest Men Alive for 2024 — including the Men Of The Year and the People Readers Choice poll winners.
1. John Krasinski, A Meatball Sub
John Krasinski is beloved for his roles as Jim on The Office, Lee in A Quiet Place, and Jack Ryan in the TV series. Plus, he is a successful director and producer for the Quiet Place movies and family-friendly comedy IF. IMHO, a man who crafts a fresh horror franchise is super sexy. Though, some individuals online feel like this pick misses the mark. I disagree — he’s a cutie and we need some cutie-patootie representation! In case he sees any online hate, I would offer John his favorite food of all time, the meatball sub. Plus, this food is a good one to eat if you’re trying to keep the volume down and avoid any Death Angels of Quiet Place fame.
2. Glen Powell, A Melon
Twisters actor Glen Powell won a Sexiest Man Alive 2024 Readers’ Choice Poll for “Sexiest Summer Action Star.” That being said, I did a quick Google search to see what capybaras eat and they love a good melon.
3. Manny Jacinto, Jalapeno Poppers
Manny Jacinto is a hottie. He first walked into the forefront of my mind when he played the loveable goofball Jason Mendoza from Jacksonville, Florida who is obsessed with jalapeno poppers. While Jacinto has gone on to act in The Acolyte and Top Gun: Maverick, he will always remain iconic for this role in The Good Place.
4. Pedro Pascal, Grapes
Pedro Pascal and his Gladiator II co-star Paul Mescal are both listed as Men Of The Year for People’s Sexiest Man Aive issue. Though, Pedro has a certain star factor that a lot of people go absolutely feral over… myself included. In honor of his upcoming Roman movie, I would feed him grapes, specifically as if he’s an emporer on a chaise with large palm leaves cooling him off, because he deserves it.
5. Stephen Colbert, Second Breakfast
Might I say that Stephen Colbert is a certified heartthrob who graces my personal Sexiest Man Alive magazine cover year after year? If I had to feed him, I would make him or find him literally whatever he wanted — anything. He wants water sourced from the Fountain Of Youth, itself? I would make it happen. Mind you, I know he could be my dad, and I do not care. This comedian and late-night host is a stone-cold silver fox with good politics, gorgeous suits, and a new cookbook Does This Taste Funny? available where all books are sold. But…I digress. Colbert is a massive Lord Of The Rings fan who even made a cameo in Peter Jackson’s Hobbit series. So, of course, it would only make sense to feed Colbert like a Baggins.
6. Jeremy Allen White, Garrett Mix Popcorn
Jeremy Allen White may hail from Brooklyn, but he is basically accepted as a true Chicago man based on his portrayal of Carmy in The Bear. Now, Chicago is known for their deep-dish pizzas and hot Italian beef sandwiches, but Garrett’s popcorn is also quintessentially a part of the Windy City. Hopefully the delightful sweet-savory mix of caramel and cheese popcorn will help resolve any stress from the intense scenes in The Bear, too.
7. Timothee Chalamet, Sichuan Hot Pot
Oui oui, we love Timothée Chalamet! In Dune, this man is just so utterly obsessed with spice… so, fine! I will give him the most delicious, spicy food I can think of—Sichuan Hot Pot. The peppers will likely make his eyes water, but hey, he asked for spice. And, of course, dessert will include chocolate. *Insert Wonka song here*
Find the whole digital Sexiest Man Alive spread here.