They say food brings people together. And if the diversity of folks walking through those automatic doors at the average local grocer doesn’t prove that, what does? The good, the bad and the ugly: here are the 7 types of people you will see trolling the aisles of your favorite neighborhood grocery.
1. The little kid going hard in the snack aisle.
Ah, to be young again. Back when your most difficult decision of the day was whether or not to get the shark or cat gummies. Back when the cart was your sweet ride of choice. Let us not forget such simple times.
2. The aisle blocker. Determined to occupy as much space as physically possible.
Stops. Goes. Stops again. Puts cart at PERPENDICULAR ANGLE. Walks away, making it practically impossible for anyone to get anywhere. Sweet mother of all that is good, where do you people come from and how do you manage to be so inconvenient with such minimal effort!
3. The person who brings 385,930,204 items into the express checkout lane.
No shame. No remorse. If you are enough of a socialized human being to obey the necessary driving laws to get to and from this location, you are capable enough to read the sign, do some quick math and realize that either: a) you have less than 15 items and yes, can proceed to the express lane or b) you have more than 15 items and should move aside. Read it and WEEP.
4. Small-talking moms.
“Susan it is soooo good to see you! How is John? How are the kids? We need to get the girls together for lunch ASAP!” Ah, the thrills of mundane suburban life.
5. Old people.
Grandma Nan always ends up starting a conversation about ‘your lovely blouse and how it matches your eyes’ and then somehow gets you to do all of her shopping… “Sweetie, you look just like my granddaughter! Would you mind passing me that probiotic yogurt over there? Sensitive stomach, you know.”
6. The solicitor standing 14 inches away from the exit.
They make you feel bad for not donating to the Amazonian snail fund when all you want to do is go home and roll around in all of the snacks you bought but definitely didn’t need. “Excuse me ma’am, would you like to donate to the…” “NOPE, SORRY I HAVE ZERO MONIES, BYE.”
7. Your mother’s cousin’s step-neighbor in law you met that one time at a community Christmas party.
It seems there is always a trail of people that follow you from one awkward situation to another.
You know these people. You’ve seen these people. And while they might vary slightly from store to store, we can all spot them from a bread aisle away. The real question though… which one are you?