If you’re a sexually active woman seeking males, regardless of your age or the number of partners you’ve known, chances are you’ve found yourself in at least one intimate situation in which some guy has tried to get it in without using a condom. Whether they asked, begged, pressured or even tried to just slip it past you, that’s truly disgusting, unacceptable behavior.
Enough is enough.
Not all men are dogs, and it’s important to acknowledge that. Shoutout to all my real men out there—the respectful, mature male feminists of planet earth. But, some of them are. A lot of them are actually.
Sex is a privilege not a right (unless you’re flying solo my dear masturbation nation). A privilege earned by respect and understanding, candid communication and unwavering dedication to complete and absolute consent. It shouldn’t be your job to remind them of that, but it is your job to always protects yourself—and sometimes that involves telling it like it is.
I don’t care if you’ve ever been pressured to have unprotected sex or not, every woman should have an arsenal of powerful responses to clap back at any man who challenges her terms of sexual consent.
Naturally, I’ve decided to share mine with you.
Disclaimer: I may sound like I’m joking in a lot of the following text, but I’m not. This is serious. “Your body is a temple” and anyone who jeopardizes the safety of that sanctity doesn’t deserve your time of day.
Before we get started, here are three things to keep in mind when delivering a firm message of sexual consequence to your partner.
1. “I need a man. not a boy who thinks he can.” – The Spice Girls
Referring to your partner as a “boy” instead of a “man” communicates a lot to him. It negates any maturity they possess (although if they were mature in the slightest they wouldn’t challenge you about using a condom in the first place) and puts them in their place. Plus, you might even strike a cord with their insecurities.
2. Actions speak louder than words.
Some men respond best to physical assertion. If you’re sitting down or lying down, sit up or stand up. Cross the room. Cross your arms, cross your legs. Put your shirt on, start strapping on your shoes or grab your purse to leave…He’ll get the idea.
3. Silence speaks volumes.
Especially when coupled with a death stare.
Now, on to the heavy artillery.
1. “I’m too big for condoms. They don’t fit me.”
What you say: “Bullsh*t.”
“Why” he asks? Because it’s the 21st century, we all know that there is absolutely positively no human man too large to fit in a condom (the number of men who actually need magnum-sized condoms is laughable). Point and case: The Condom Challenge.
2. “I forgot one.”
What you say: “Don’t worry, I have one.” (If you do not, or if he insists on riding raw, follow up with: “Bummer. Call me tomorrow after you’ve bought some.”)
“Why” he asks? Because it’s not up for discussion, and in saying that he “forgot” one, he has already acknowledged that he understands the importance of using one.
3. “I don’t use condoms.”
What you say: “I don’t have sex with men who don’t wear condoms.”
“Why” he asks? The rules of life, bruh. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
4. “Come on, babe…”
What you say: “You won’t be coming anywhere tonight, babe.”
“Why” he asks? Because you said so, that’s why.
5. “It feels better without them.”
What you say: “Yeah, and riding without a seatbelt is more comfortable.”
“Why” he asks? You know that marshmallow test they give to children? I’m not a child, and neither are you. Grow up.
(The famous marshmallow test is an age-old psychological experiment where you offer a kid one marshmallow, but tell them that they can also opt to wait five minutes and receive three marshmallows later. You know, self control and shit.)
6. “I can pull out.”
What you can say: “So?” Or, “I’ve heard that one before.”
“Why” he asks? It’s my body, and I will remain in control of it. Period.
7. “Don’t you trust me?”
What you can say: “It’s not a matter of trust.”
“Why” he asks? Your penis and your heart are two different organs with which I have two very different relationships (something abundantly clear in the dumbass yet weirdly poignant movie premise of Bad Johnson.)
8. “They always break.”
What you say: “Do you not know how to use a condom? Oh, I thought you knew what you were doing. My mistake.”
A fun follow-up: “I can teach you.” Or if you’re fully disenchanted, “I’ll be going now.”
“Why” he asks? If you have to ask…
And if he doesn’t seem to respond well to adult conversation, you can always resort to threats. Here are a few of my favorites.
1. “Damn, [insert name here] is gonna kill you when he finds out about this.” Feel free to switch this one up, “brother” and “name of a widely known and notoriously large athlete on campus” are effective options, but pretty much any friend or family member will do.
2. “Wow, I guess the rumors were true.” Don’t even elaborate on this. He’ll ask who said what about him, and you can watch him wriggle and writhe. You can answer “I heard you were stupid” if he gets hostilely persistent.
3. “I really wanted this to work out. Oh well. Best of luck, don’t call me.” Sometimes I like to throw an “ever” in at the end for dramatic effect.
4. “If you don’t get away from me in the next four seconds I will scream bloody murder.” Be prepared to scream your head of if he calls your bluff.
The Bottom Line
Be firm. Be fierce. Be immovable. Be Beyoncé, or better yet, be Solange.