Lifestyle
If the 2016 GOP Candidates Were Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavors
For some of us, politics is a serious business. We’re glued to CNN, we track the polls on our phones, and we’re subscribed to 20 different email lists. For others, it just makes for a fun drinking game. Take a shot every time Donald insults someone, chug whenever there’s a new Hillary email scandal.
However you decide to party (pun intended), we can at least agree on one thing: We all love ice cream. I scream, you scream, we all scream for policy… and ice cream. So here’s what some of the GOP candidates would look like as your fave Ben & Jerry’s flavors.
Donald Trump: Blondie Ambition
Because Donald doesn’t want to be known as just a real estate developer and reality-show superstar. Blonde brownies and butterscotch don’t like to be called wannabes either.
Ted Cruz: Americone Dream
Because nothing says you’re makin’ it more than being a Canadian-born hopeful for the American presidency. Caramel swirl, Canadian swirl…what’s the diff?
Jeb Bush: Hazed & Confused
Because 40 years ago he smoked marijuana. And he admits it. Don’t believe me?
Carly Fiorina: Strawberry Not So Shortcake
Because she ain’t always cute and sweet. She packs a pretty punch, like the shortbread pieces in this pint.
Ben Carson: Everything But The…
Because as a neurosurgeon he’s done virtually everything to the human brain but sometimes forgets to use his own.
Chris Christie: Chubby Hubby
Because he can be real, real salty or real, real sweet, so this peanutty, fudge-covered pretzel butter swirl has his name all over it. Literally.
Marco Rubio: That’s My Jam
Because he can quote “modern-day poets” like Wiz Khalifa and Jay-Z, and at his core he is rap’s number one fan.
Mike Huckabee: Bovinity Divinity
Because he used to be a minister. And he has a thing for cows.
Rand Paul: What A Cluster
Because he’s one big clusterf*ck. And because cluster rhymes with filibuster (which is one thing he just LOOOOOOOVES).
Rick Santorum: Schweddy Balls
Because he wears lots of sweater vests, and that probably makes him hot. These malt balls would probably hate sweater vests.
To stay informed about this year's presidential hopefuls (or, if you care more about ice cream):