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If Melanie Martinez’s Song “Cry Baby” Was A Cafè Menu

This article is written by a student writer from the Spoon University at Hofstra chapter.

Last week I was checking Twitter and a post caught my attention: Melanie Martinez released a new music video.

Melanie may not be my favorite singer, but I’ve always admired her work because it’s very singular and deep in her own peculiar way. 

Cry Baby is a fictional character who resembles a troubled little girl. Her adventures and struggles are narrated by American – Puerto Rican singer Melanie Martinez. Cry Baby lives in a child-like vintage-parallel world, where objects and toys, specifically stuffed animals and dolls, are animated. 

Along with her melodic voice and upbeat rhythm, each music video is rich with elements. From the dresses to the fancy hairstyles, these elements give shred light on the hidden message of the song itself.

After watching her latest music video, I remembered all of the previous videos she’s made. In that moment I was also hungry and thought to myself, “What if Cry Baby was a Cafè?”.

Here is the menu I imagined if Cry Baby was a rosy, Tumblr-look-alike cafè menu, instead of a young character.

Cocktails

1. Cry Baby Cuba Libre

Cry Baby does not look like your average little girl, she’s more grown-up than anyone else. I can see her drinking Cola mixed with some Rum.

2. Dollhousetequila shots

Families can be complicated and Cry Baby’s is full of problems. Alcohol seems like it would be her solution to forgetting her dramatic life.

3. Sippy CupCosmopolitan

A cocktail should be sipped. Vodka is to get fuddled and cranberry juice is to make that sip a little sweeter.

4. CarouselLong Island Iced Tea

Cry Baby decided to go to an amusement park but didn’t like it because the carousel left her feeling groggy—just like drinking several Long Island Iced Teas

Appetizers and Snacks

5. Alphabet Boypopcorn 

Cry Baby broke up with her boyfriend. She’s listened to Beyoncè’s “Sorry,” while writing her own personal anthem about it and celebrating with popcorn.

6. Soapcreamy soup

Cry Baby took some time to think about her life, mistakes, and behaviors after a long relaxing bath. To warm her soul she enjoyed a small bowl of creamy soup.

7. Training Wheels rice cake (with butter, marmalade, or plain)

The girl may be ready for a new romantic story but she doesn’t know how to reveal her feelings. When she faces the boy she fancies, nothing happens and she returns home to eat rice cakes alone.

8. Pity Partychips (any flavour)

It’s party time but no one wants to celebrate Cry Baby’s birthday. She says that there will be more cake for her but instead, she treats herself by eating a whole bag of chips

Sweets

9. Tag, You’re Itdark chocolate

Life is bitter and Cry Baby knows it more than anyone else. She would like some white chocolate, but she’s given only dark.

10. Milk And CookiesOreos, any kind

As a baby, the little girl loves some milk and cookies. 

11. Pacify Hermarshmallows 

A girl stole Cry Baby’s crush. A marshmallow could help to swallow this hard fact.

12. Mrs. Potato Headice cream

Cry Baby is spending a night alone with her stuffed toys, lying on her bed, and watching tv. She’s eating ice cream, because why not

Hot Drinks

13. Mad Hattertea

Cry Baby is a fan of Beyoncè because she literally followed Hold Ups lyrics: “What’s worse, lookin’ jealous or crazy, jealous or crazy?” She starts to go mad like “Alice in Wonderland’s” Mad Hatter.

14. Play Dateapple cider

The girl needs a fruity beverage so she can be more relaxed. An apple cider suits the situation.

15. Teddy Bearchamomille and honey

A hot drink can make things so much better, especially when there’s honey in it and you’re holding your favorite stuffed toy.

16. Cake hot chocolate

There’s still some cake left from Cry Baby’s lonely birthday party and she might just enjoy a piece with a nice cup of hot chocolate.

Enjoy your meal my little babies!

I'm more of a Gershwin fan, but Macklemore once said: "the quickest way to happiness? learning to be selfless".