This is the last diet you’ll ever need. Or, at least, that’s what the creators of “The Taco Cleanse: The Tortilla-Based Diet Proven to Change Your Life” claim. This all-vegan, all-taco diet is meant to make you fuller, happier, and healthier. There are a myriad of recipes that can be found in their book, but you can be inventive, too. Like the vegan taco recipes from this article, for starters.
There are just a few rules of what constitutes something to be a taco:
1. A burrito is NOT a taco
2. A taco shell must be a tortilla (not bread, not pancakes), but there is one exception…
3. Taco shell can be a waffle
4. The taco has to fit one hand and be portable
5. It can only have one fold
I’ve read reviews about the taco cleanse online, and so many people have either raved about it (like Jennifer Anniston), or HATED it (like this “People” journalist).
But I’m stubborn and need to experience things myself to form my own opinions. So I decided to test out this cleanse by myself and scheduled five days of full taco feasting. Goodbye, cookies! Good riddance, grilled cheese sandwiches! Hasta la vista, sushi! My friend described this as “investigative journalism at its finest.”
#SpoonTip: I feel like I must warn you that I really, really, really love tacos. I’m not your average student taking on this endeavor. I’m a taco-lover through and through. They have a separate sliver in my food pyramid. My heart is taco-shaped. I live in Chipotle. My experiences may not be reflective of the norm.
Also, I wasn’t sure if the book said whether I could snack or not, so I took that as me being able to ~lightly~ snack (I mostly just ate peanut butter and chocolate chips between meals). I can’t survive on just three meals a day—a girl’s gotta eat. (If you need healthier snack ideas too, we’ve got you covered.)
Day 1
As usual, I overslept and woke up in time for lunch. I decided to make a bean, rice, avocado, lettuce, tomato and corn taco on corn tortillas. I made the tortillas myself and they turned out delicious! The tortilla recipe is in the book, but you can also use this delicious and easy one.
For dinner, I accidentally bought burrito-worthy tortillas rather than taco ones, BUT I didn’t roll it up like a burrito and was still able to hold it up with one hand and it only had one fold so I guess that’s OK? Regardless, if I broke the rules or not, this “taco” was HUGE and I could only eat one.
My taco had seasoned tofu, tomatoes, and lettuce.
Mood: I didn’t mind eating tacos for every meal because (in case I didn’t say this enough) I really, really love tacos. But, they always say the second day’s the toughest, so let’s see how tomorrow goes.
Day 2
I woke up in time for breakfast! And thank God I did, because I loved my breakfast taco. It was on the unconventional side (bananas, peanut butter, and chocolate chips), but compared to some of the other recipes in the book (like putting cereal in a tortilla), I felt like this was a fun twist on your classic banana-peanut butter sandwich. I ate two.
I hit a small rock during lunch time. My grandmother took me out for lunch to one of my favorite, taco-less, restaurants. I wanted the mushroom pizza, the pasta, the ice cream—my eyes feasted on the menu rather than the food. Instead, I ordered a potato salad and filled up the tortillas I had brought from home. So my taco was filled with potatoes, lettuce, blue corn chips (which I also brought from home), tomatoes, and zucchinis. It was actually pretty good! I had two before calling it quits.
Dinner was by far the BEST meal I’ve had so far. Wow. Each taco had a fried beer-battered portobello mushroom with shredded lettuce, cabbage, and tomato slaw. It was amazing—really amazing. I fell asleep dreaming about this taco. I had three.
Mood: I felt like I would’ve started feeling more weary if it wasn’t for my dinner taco. But, my spirits are still high! And so on we taco.
Day 3
I slept through breakfast again (oops) but woke up for lunch. I loved those beer battered portobello mushroom tacos so much I had them again! I ate four.
I had the same taco for dinner, too. Except this time with a different assortment of vegetables at the bottom (onions, lettuce, and carrots). I ate four… again.
Mood: Maybe I ate too many beer-battered portobello mushrooms in a day, but how can something so good be so bad? If you have a problem with this, feel free to taco ’bout it with me.
Day 4
For breakfast, I wanted to try the book’s waffle taco recipe. It was delicious. I filled it with bananas, peanut butter and chocolate chips and ate it happily. I only ate one, because it was a very filling taco.
Lunch was mediocre. I had some vegan beef patties (they tasted as good as that sounded, which is not very) with mushroom sauce and mango salsa. Sad. I had two.
Dinner was way better, because it was filled with tofu, beans, and lots of veggies. My favorites! I put them in my home made corn tortillas. I had three.
Mood: Growing weary because of all these tacos, but I will fight through one more day! Hopefully my cravings for something not wrapped in a tortilla subside.
Day 5
I woke up bittersweet. I knew this was my last day, and while I could start picking other things to eat, I soon wouldn’t have an excuse to eat tacos for every meal. But, unfortunately, I wasted a taco meal sleeping in (again). I guess I love sleep as much as I love tacos?
However, lunch was pretty good. Let’s just all take a moment to appreciate how delicious refried beans are. Mmmmmmm. I had three.
Dinner was also pretty good (another bean-y taco because I ran out of tofu), but I decided to end with a dessert taco recipe from the book. I didn’t have strawberries, so I used mangos. I had three dinner tacos, and one dessert taco.
The dessert taco had mangos, chocolate sauce, and coconut flakes. Yummy!
Mood: A little sad that this endeavor is over, but SO HAPPY I can finally stop eating tacos! Where’s the nearest burger joint and ice cream shop?
After the “cleanse,” I did feel a little happier, a little healthier, and a whole lot more accomplished. I didn’t lose or gain any weight (although some people actually lose weight during this cleanse, apparently! Oops. Maybe too much snacking).
However, I know for a fact it’ll be a while until I can eat another taco again. Right now, I’m going to feast on all things free of a tortilla. Liberty to all!