Here is how the story begins. It was a typical Thursday night. I went home to spend one night with my parents and my dad took me grocery shopping. Due to the fact that I don’t have easy grocery store access on campus, he gave me free reign in the store to grab some snacks.

There are three things that I love in this world…Oreos, Swedish Fish, and trying new snacks. So naturally, Swedish Fish Oreos caught my eye. I grabbed a pack and put them in my cart thinking “how innovative."

cream cheese, chocolate, cake
Lucy Bedewi

No, just no.

I accept full responsibility for this flavor tragedy. I should have known better in my visualization of how this weird mix would come together. I was naïve, though, and I thought Oreo would be incredible enough to blend these two distinct sweets into a lovely cookie.

Oreo had never failed me like this before. They are always improving. First, Double Stuf then Mega Stuf; I thought they could do no wrong. But then they introduced the thin variation and I grew skeptical. Nevertheless they were still fantastically proportioned and satisfying.

Oreos were with me when I went vegan for a week. Despite the “cream” interior, there are no animal products in them. They are so deliciously artificial that even those who are lactose intolerant can eat them.

Even when the company introduced a “weird” flavor they found a way to make it good. Pumpkin Spice, Mint, Peanut Butter, Birthday Cake…the list goes on. But this one was different. It was an abomination to the Oreo reputation.

Like all fair reviews of a snack, I need to give credit where credit is due. The fake red dyed cream tasted eerily close to Swedish fish. I didn’t know a flavor could be cloned that precisely. But no, Oreo, this partnership did not work and I will not let your appealing marketing let innocent children or college students with wide eyes pick up these cookies.

ice cream, peanut butter, sandwich, chocolate
Lucy Bedewi

If you thought about buying these, even for a second, think again. If you want a Swedish Fish and an Oreo at the same time, you’re better off buying normal Oreos and a pack of Swedish fish, then taking a bite of each simultaneously.

So now if you will excuse me, I must find a way to trick the people on my floor into trying them so I do not waste food.