If I had to make a list of the things that I absolutely hate, eggs would fit comfortably in my top three, right next to New Jersey highway traffic and spiders.

I feel a surge of discomfort that runs from my brain to my stomach every time I’m in the realm of a cooked egg. Though I know better than to judge food by its appearance, texture and taste are absolute deal-breakers for me. Eggs are just as displeasing to taste as they are to see and smell. This goes for sunny-side up, scrambled, hard-boiled, soft-boiled, poached.

Hell, prepare them anyway you want, but don’t ask or expect me to join in on your faux sense of indulgence.

Why Am I Doing This?

yolk, chicken, egg yolk, egg
Photo courtesy of pexels.com

Lately, friends and co-workers who were in disbelief that I don’t eat these miniature chicken-mistakes have been putting me on the spot. One too many conversations about this topic within the span of a few days finally persuaded me to give eggs another chance to prove themselves.

I couldn’t think of a better way to build up tolerance for a food that I despise than to fuse it with a food that I love. Why not try eggs on a burger?


I hit Zinburger right after my workout on an early Thursday afternoon. I confidently ordered the hand-cut fries first, then the Plain & Simple Burger, topped with lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise. I couldn’t believe the words that came out of my mouth next. “And could you add a fried egg on top?” I asked the waitress.

ketchup, french fries, sauce, chips, chicken
William Thomas

The fries came out first and I devoured about half of them before my burger arrived five minutes later. Just as the waitress placed my plate in front of me, the fried egg was the first ingredient I got a whiff of. My stomach was uneasy just from gazing at the yolk oozing onto the bottom of the bun. I took a long sip of my water and followed it with a long, deep breath to prepare myself for the first chomp.

pork, cheese
William Thomas

Eating the Burger

I took the skewer out of the middle of the burger, dabbed some ketchup onto the corner and got to work. I didn’t recall tasting any egg on the first bite, but its presence was felt on every subsequent bite.

salmon, crab, salad
William Thomas

My second, third, fourth and fifth bites induced some of the longest chews I have ever experienced. It was psychologically unpleasant having to prep this stinky, moist, flubbery disk for digestion as it was caught in the middle of a great burger. I really contemplated spitting it out a couple of times out of complete discontent for the eggs specifically. Instead, I stayed in the game by downing some fries and ketchup to help mask the taste.

By the time I got to my sixth bite, my burger had collapsed into a miserable-looking mess on the right side of my plate. I was defeated and my appetite was ruined. The fries were almost gone. My burger was lukewarm at this point and the eggs were ice cold. I used a fork to pick at what remained of the patty and lettuce. I left the rest of the soggy bun and the eggs alone. I have to give credit to my hunger for even finishing that much of it.

vegetable, meat, sauce, seafood, fish, tomato
William Thomas

I learned a couple of valuable lessons from this awful moment in food history.

1. Never ruin your burger with eggs.

2. Never eat eggs again, Will. They just aren't for you.