Bachelor Nation, I hope you have your popcorn ready. As you know, "The Bachelorette" will be gracing our TV screens every Monday for the next several weeks, and nothing quite beats watching a group of muscular men shack up in an Agoura Hills, California mansion to compete for one woman's heart.
This season features some pretty quirky guys, so naturally, and just for fun, I found a way to relate each contestant to food. Here's what food each remaining "Bachelorette" contestant would be according to their bizarre profiles.
Adam: Escargot
When I look at Adam, I see escargot. Much like escargot, Adam is a class-act, and pretty impressive. The 27-year-old real estate agent spent his college years playing football and cooking homemade four-course meals for his friends. What doesn't he have to offer?
Alex: Chicken Wings
Self-proclaimed wingman who admits to having once eaten a live salamander in his casting profile, Alex radiates qualities of chicken wings. Like these bad boys, Alex is practical (when isn't it a good time for chicken wings), definitely adventurous, and versatile. Like chicken wings, there's a lot of potential with Alex to change up the game.
Anthony: Crepes
Northwestern University fans, rejoice! Anthony, a former Wildcat, has a pretty intelligent track record, including receiving a Fulbright Grant to teach in Indonesia. Crepes (aka smart people pancakes) fit Anthony's personality perfectly.
Blake E.: Happy Meal
If you're 31 years old and still aspiring to be a drummer, maybe you should re-evaluate how talented you actually are. After reading about his two-day engagement and love for "taboo sexy stuff" in his profile, I thought a Happy Meal would be fitting for this man-child. Like a eating Happy Meal, you have to be in the mood for it, but then you kind of regret it.
Brady: Pasta
When I think of aesthetically-pleasing food, pasta is one of the first ones that comes to mind. Brady — a male model that once resided in Milan — fits the description of an almost-too-pretty-to-eat pasta dish. You know the ones with the basil and freshly grated Parmesan garnish on top? Yeah, that's Bryce — he's a little extra.
Bryan: Squash
We all have our awkward phases. For Bryan, that included wearing baggy JNCO jeans. Nowadays, Bryan uses his charm and wins the first impression rose. Squash, once a lackluster veggie, became all the rage in the foodie world
when people figured out how to make spaghetti with it. Like squash, Bryan just needed a little tweaking and a couple years to bring out his best qualities.
Bryce: Baked Alaska Ice Cream Cake
Just like a Baked Alaska ice cream cake, Bryce is a treat you might not be quite ready for. In his profile, he says he loves to play with fire. Not only has Bryce actually made it his career (he's a firefighter), but he even set a girl's hair on fire once. Rachel might need to watch out for this wild card.
Dean: Strawberry Shortcake
Strawberry Shortcake: a classic, wholesome American dessert. Dean, just like this angelic looking dish, says he loves to laugh and gives off a sweet, innocent vibe that is sure to make you smile.
Diggy: Vegan Burger
Vegan burgers can be deceiving. Although they look like real ground beef, it's not. The tricky nature of a vegan burger parallels to Diggy, as he once tricked a girl into thinking he was asleep to avoid helping her find her missing brother — not sure why he would admit to that in his profile. Hopefully, he's the real deal though and won't be pulling any stunts on Rachel in the future.
Eric: Avocado Toast
According to his profile, Eric is a personal trainer that likes to stay fit. He says he enjoys green drinks, (which we can only assume means a green juice) so to keep it basic AF I'm going with avocado toast for him. Like avocado toast, Eric seems pretty Instagram-worthy, too.
Fred: Crawfish
With a Southern background and a love for seafood, Fred would be the perfect platter of crawfish. It's also a staple dish down in Louisiana, a place Fred aspires to visit someday during Mardi Gras.
Iggy: Banana Float
Iggy was asked in his profile, "If you were stranded on a dessert island, what would it be made of?" Without hesitation, Iggy answered, "Banana float… get it??" If that doesn't show creativity, I don't know what else would. Like Iggy, a banana float might not be the first thing to come to your mind as something you're into (you might have never even heard of it), but it's actually a pretty solid choice.
Jack Stone: Olive Garden Unlimited Breadsticks
When I read Jack Stone's bio, he admitted that a "48-hour date" was his best ever — that stood out to me. Forty-eight hours is a pretty big chunk of time to spend on a date. Unlimited Olive Garden breadsticks seems like it'd also take up a decent chunk of time, I mean, I could be there eating for two days, easy!
Jamey: Muddy Buddies
Muddy Buddies — the perfect combination of peanut butter, chocolate and crunch. Jamey proves the perfect combination of intelligent and innovative with his admiration of Elon Musk and his favorite book being "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind." He also said his desert (dessert?) island would be made of chocolate and peanut butter, so there's that, too.
Jonathan: Kale
Remember when kale was trendy? Well, now it's kind of old news, just like Jonathan's mullet that he sported in fourth grade. Fun fact: This self-proclaimed "Tickle Monster" says his favorite musical artists are "Elvis Presley, Britney Spears and Flo Rida" — what? He'll probably be sent home soon, making him, like kale, old news.
Josiah: Ribs
To me, a rack of ribs is one of the most beloved foods. Meat smothered in seasoning — what more could a foodie want? Josiah, a prosecuting attorney by day, enjoys jet skiing, gun range shooting and playing football in his free time. What more could Rachel want?
Kenny: Potato Salad
Nothing seems too out-of-the-ordinary when it comes to Kenny. That's why I picked an American classic: Potato salad. Kenny, although a seemingly average guy, is a professional wrestler. Potato salad is a classic, mild-tasting BBQ-season staple, but sometime's it can surprise you and be spicy and flavorful as well, like Kenny.
Lee: BBQ
Lee has a horseshoe tattoo, considers himself a "dive bar type person" and refers to his grandmother as "Mamaw" — he's southern alright! And as a southern singer and songwriter from Nashville, TN, hes the epitome of a hearty BBQ platter. Nothing says Nashville like authentic BBQ with all the works.
Lucas: Poke
Lucas, better known as the "Whaboom! guy" is a little (to some, a lot) obnoxious. Rumor has it, this guy will become the so-called "villain" of the season. Poke, which is quickly taking over Instagram feeds, is an acquired taste. Like Lucas, you either love it, or you hate it.
Matt: Croquetas
Croquetas are a personal favorite of mine. These bite-sized pieces are fried and filled with ingredients like ham and cheese. Croquetas are a popular tapas dish, which is similar to a family-style dinner. Matt, a basketball coach, enjoys team sports because they "are a metaphor for life." Who says tapas don't take a team effort to eat?
Peter: Loaded Baked Potato
According to his profile, Peter was a male model that lived in Greece, but is currently a businessman residing in Wisconsin with a love for "Modern Family." He has many layers to his personality. Needless to say, his full lifestyle looks pretty similar to a loaded baked potato with all the fixings. Yeah, Peter would be a loaded baked potato.
Will: Chicken Tikka Masala
In his profile, Will admitted to being slightly more reserved at first" when it comes to dating. Chicken Tikka Masala, a popular Indian dish with simple ingredients, is perfect for those with a reserved palate trying Indian food for the first time. Not to mention, Will says his favorite vacation was a trip to Dubai where coincidentally, Chicken Tikka Masala is easily found.
All of these guys offer different characteristics and some pretty wacky baggage that proves exciting to watch on national television. But if you can't pick a favorite guy to root for based on his personality, now you can at least cheer for one based on which food he most embodies. Tbh, we're rooting for loaded baked potato.