I stared in the community bathroom mirror in slight disgust and slight resignation. I should not have eaten that pint of ice cream. Spring break was quickly approaching, but my beach bod clearly had yet to get the memo. And so, project Punta Cana 2k17  (courtesy of the Buda Juice Cleanse) commenced.

The next day, my friend and I were off to Buda Juice in Mockingbird Station to pick up our tickets to health and flawless Instagram flow. While neither of us had the guts to do a full length cleanse, we both committed to the one day Buda juice cleanse. I mean, come on. How bad could it possibly be? Six glass bottles of juice in hand, we trudged back to our dorm, ready to begin our experiment the following morning.


I was hyped AF, to say the least. I pulled the No. 1 Green Juice out of the fridge, and gave it a quick, firm shake. Slightly skeptical of its yellow-tinged algae-esque hue, I took a timid sip. And let me tell you, this stuff is incredible. I would live on it. Dead serious. Can I tell you what it tasted like? Honestly, no—this one you have to experience yourself. It was the best juice I’ve had to date: 10/10 would chug again.


Ok, it’s important to note that I definitely did not do this on the recommended schedule—you’ll probably have better results if you do—but I digress. At this point in the morning, I had basically decided that I was now a health goddess (my body is a *temple*) dedicated to being ~pure~ and ~natural~. I eagerly swiped the No. 4 Blue Lemonade out of the fridge, and curled back up in bed to watch the Office while I sipped it down. Treat yourself, right? If you have an insatiable sweet tooth, this is your juice. It was tangy yet simultaneously sweet to the point of glucose intoxication. I loved it, but almost couldn’t finish. Reese 0, juice 1.


After a brief break from my cleansing endeavors, I stared at the No. 2 Red bottle awaiting me. The last red beverage I downed was Kool-Aid at age 10, and I can guarantee you that this stuff was not the same. Made primarily of beets, it appeared murkily maroon, and boasted a pungent earthy scent. But hey, no pain, no gain. The first sip, I’ll admit, was a bit off putting. But if you close your eyes and imagine a nice beet & goat cheese salad, it quickly becomes bearable. Probably wouldn’t drink it willingly again, although it’s still better than the Arnold breakfast smoothies.


Now, I don’t know if you’ve every tried to drink nearly 100 ounces of liquid in one day, but its easier said than done. Four hours in, and I had transformed into a tempermental recluse, binging Netflix and refusing to open the blinds or flick on the glaring fluorescent lights in my cozy Crum single. Feeling increasingly sorry for myself, I resentfully snatched another No. 4 Blue Lemonade and returned to my cocoon of blankets. I reiterate; this stuff is sweet. I fought off my longing for Postmates by delving deeper into Michael Scott’s love life, and dreaming about my Spring Break Insta game.


You haven’t felt true desperation until you realize that it’s only 3 p.m., and you’re already on your dinner juice—as if a liquid diet wasn’t sad enough. This one terrified me. With chunks of tomatoes and seeds lingering in a clump towards the top of the bulky bottle the Buda Basilto Soup was something completely out of my comfort zone. I mean, cold soup? Ew. I have to admit defeat at the hands of first impressions here. I loved this juice. While cold, it was still almost like comfort food, and tasted vaguely of a mild gazpacho. This is also when I learned that, yes, one can become exceedingly full on juice alone. Content for the first time since 9:30am, I did some English reading, and studied for the next week’s exams.


Remember how I said you can get full off of juice? I lied. I totally lied. It doesn’t last. I was ravenous. With the primal aggression of a wolf pouncing on it’s prey, I latched onto my final juice—the Buda Almond Milk. While it certainly could be attributed to the fact that I was hungry enough to consider eating month-old takeout, I thought that this almond milk was to die for. With notes of cinnamon and cardamom, it was slightly sweet, creamy, and balanced. I couldn’t get enough, and it was gone in the blink of an eye.


I’m sorry, y’all. I really am. I tried to reason with myself about the beach bod, the money I spent on the cleanse, and my need for greater self control, but the Postmates app on my phone was practically begging to be opened. I figured there was no harm in just looking. Pho is soup—soup is like juice, right? It has vegetables? Would pho be that bad? The answers didn’t really matter. I’d already started the downward spiral, and my Pho is for Lovers deliver arrived within the hour. A for effort.

Do I think this cleanse really made a difference in my ~Spring Break Bod~? No. Would I do it again? Honestly, yeah. Some of the juices were quite good, and despite my slip-up, by the end of the day I was feeling pretty damn accomplished. If you’re someone with great self control, go for it—maybe even go for two or more days. Chances are, you’ll see greater results than I did; plus, the mere concept of cleansing could up your body positivity, even if your body doesn’t undergo external change. Regardless, I’ll probably be back to Buda before Spring Break 2018. Do it for the ‘gram.