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Northwestern | Lifestyle

How My Relationship With Food Changed When I Started College

Hannah Brown Student Contributor, Northwestern University
This article is written by a student writer from the Spoon University at Northwestern chapter and does not reflect the views of Spoon University.

For the majority of my life, my relationship with food has been pretty rocky. I inherited my mom’s love of sweets. There are so many Easter and Halloween home videos that shows my mom and I competing for the most on-screen time eating candy, and it set a bad precedent for my eating habits at home.

My mom and I, or one of my grandmothers and I, would bake treats all the time. Bonding over a pan of brownies turned into licking the bowl and eating half of the pan in one sitting. I began to associate those fond memories with food, which I didn’t realize was harmful to my well-being

Unhealthy Mentality 

relationship with food pizza
Hannah Brown

As this image of my childhood-self indicates, I was pretty miserable. Not only did I crash all the time, but I had horrible body image issues that weren’t helped by my peers. When my friends and I got to middle school, these body images grew as I witnessed peers hardly eating or eating a ton while remaining incredibly thin.

I was athletically built and always hungry, so I felt alienated by my eating habits and by the way my body reacted to this eating. 

By the time I was in high school, I had developed the horrible habit of meticulously logging everything I ate in a small journal I hid from everyone. I would be close to tears as I forced myself to write down the extra few cookies I’d eaten in a frenzy.

Compulsive Eating Habits

relationship with food wasabi tuna
Hannah Brown

The compulsivity of my eating arrived in binges that became peppered with extremely healthy eating. I would only eat salads or make vegan smoothies for a week, and then I would down a pizza or cartoon of ice cream in one night.

When I would go out to eat with my friends, I ordered small plates or otherwise healthy items to keep up appearances. However, as soon as I came home, I’d binge on sweets.

Things seemed to get worse after high school graduation. I became obsessive with working out and going home to eat a meal large enough to feed three people. That whole summer, college couldn’t come soon enough. 

Arriving to College

relationship with food tea beer
Hannah Brown

When I actually got to college, what struck me most was how differently everyone regarded food. I saw people struggling to eat enough food, to eat healthy, and struggling to find a balance.

It made me feel better seeing that everyone had their issues with food, big or small. I began to feel more comfortable having seconds or not portioning out every little thing I ate. 

It took suffering through a year of poorly lit dining halls, erratic eating hours and a variety of new foods that Chicagoland has to offer, but I finally feel comfortable with my plate. My relationship with food couldn’t be stronger.

Hannah Brown

Northwestern '20