It wasn't the fire or the heat of the oven that scared me. It wasn't the sharp knives or the spray of the onion. It wasn't even the time that cooking takes out of your already busy day. I used to be afraid of cooking because I didn't want to make something I'd actually want to eat.
Where I am today ...
Last week I made this magical red wine chocolate snack cake. I've started reading Food and Wine magazine for inspiration, and this was one of their recipes that made my taste buds tingle. Baking with red wine isn't really something I'd ever thought of. Cooking with red wine, yes please. But baking? The thing is, chocolate cake is so rich that it absorbs the wine right in and gives the base a moister, heavier, decadent feel. I loved experimenting with this recipe and it turned out great! I was proud of my accomplishment and it was fun to watch my friends' faces as they took a bite of their first slices. What a contrast to where I was a year ago ...
A year ago ...
A year ago, I was afraid of cooking so I mostly consumed avocados with a good amount of salt and pepper on top for dinner. Not the best option health-wise, not the worst. The smells of cooking always made my mouth water and my stomach yearn to overeat. That scared me. I was interested in looking a certain way, and that look did not allow for eating actual meals. I prided myself on my discipline and my deprived body, but in the end, I hurt my own feelings because I was denying myself one of life's most beautiful arts ...
What changed?
I'm surprised I still have this photograph, but this was the first meal I actually enjoyed cooking. And you know why? It's because my boyfriend asked me to cook with him as a date. I was nervous, especially because I'd always hated cooking, but as I watched him and how much fun he was having, I loosened up. The fun he was having was contagious! Suddenly, I was in the zone. The colors--green, red, white--they were lovely. The smells of cilantro lime rice and fresh pico de gallo made me smile. The breaks in between when there was nothing to do but sip wine. It was relaxing and the environment was enjoyable. And after the two hours we spent in the kitchen, I felt like I deserved to eat. And let me tell you ... that meal was the best I'd ever had. While it's hard to believe, I actually haven't missed a dinner since then ... and my relationship with food is so much better. And so is my relationship with myself.