Want something sweeter than beer, but less awful than Franzia? Cider is your solution. The problem is there are tons, and no one wants to wander up and down the aisles frantically searching for the perfect apple-tastic six pack (trust me, it sucks).
So, myself and a group of college students (with obviously exquisite palates) have attempted to finish what Johnny Appleseed started and distill it down of you – pun intended. Rankings ranged from 1 to 10. Scores were averaged and rankings given, finished with commercial descriptions and usually comedically followed by some colorful student reactions.
Pro Tip: ABV=alcohol by volume and is the standard measure of the beverage’s alcoholic content (aka how drunk it’ll getcha).
So finally, with a little help from Newton’s muse for the Theory of Gravity in a less dangerous form…
17. Samuel Smith’s Organic Cider – 2.8
Photo by Ilana Herzig
For those on a health kick, it can be found (obviously) at Whole Foods.
ABV: 5%
Origin: England
What they say: “Bright straw-glold with excellent clarity. Samuel Smith’s Organic Cider has a light body with brilliant conditioning, a crisp clean flavor and a dry finish. The bouquet is fresh apples, with a soft floral note.”
What we say:
“Tasteless.”
“Weak but also somehow tastes like olives.”
“Watered down.”
“Kinda wack.”
“Not as bad as others, sour.”
16. Soultree: Authentic Dry Cider – 4.4
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re a fan of the can.
ABV: 5.5%
Origin: Canada
What they say: “Our naturally gluten free authentic dry cider is made form genuine cider apples, sourced form an old growth orchard. Crisp, natural, & real.”
What we say:
“Tastes smokey.”
“Just not very good.”
“Good until you get to the bitter aftertaste.”
“Like cider mixed with water.”
“Unspectacular, unimpressive, underwhelming. If this cider was a girlfriend I brought home to meet my parents they would tell me I could do better.”
15. Ace Joker Cider – 3.5
Photo by Ilana Herzig
Another cool graphic, but apparently this time without delivery…
ABV: 6.9%
Origin: California
What they say: “Ace Joker has rapidly become our second top selling cider…made form our driest cider yet and made form 100% apple juice; it has champagne characteristics, a bit yeasty with a 6.9% ABV. It has won many awards and recently took the 2013 San Diego Cider and Beer Festival by storm! Even grabbing the Gold Ribbon for ‘Best Cider’ in the competition. Ace Joker is popular with beer and wine drinkers and makes a great base for Mimosas, Snakebites, or Black Satins.”
What we say:
“Literally I taste ketchup.”
“Wack.” (I guess consistency is key)
“Tangy!”
14. 2 Town’s Cider: The Bad Apple – 4.2
Photo by Elizabeth Emery
An alcohol content that will make you hold on to your hat and a title that may be a little too real…
ABV: 10.5%
Origin: Oregon
What they say: “Big & bold, The Bad Apple is an imperial style cider, fermented with local meadow foam honey and aged on Oregon White Oak. Complex notes of apples and wood make the Bad Apple a NW favorite. Sometimes…it’s good to be Bad!”
What we say:
“VERY DRY. Tastes like cream soda. Very strong.”
“It’s called ‘Bad Apple’ and they’re not wrong – it’s bad.”
“Worst thus far.”
“I feel like this has turned.”
“Why drink this?”
13. Crispin: Artisanal Reserve – 4.5
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re tryna get fancy.
ABV: 6.5%
Origin: Minnesota
What they say: “A cloudy hard cider. Serve over fresh ice, experience the smooth, full-bodied crips taste of Cripsin Honey Crisp. Naturally fermented using a premium apple juice blend, not from concentrate, with added malt, spirit or grape alcohol.”
What we say:
“Tastes a bit like Franzia, uninspired.”
“Refreshing! Not what I expected from a cider.”
“Like apple juice.”
12. Sonoma Pitchfork Pear Cider – 5
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re feeling a farming vibe.
ABV: 6%
Origin: California
What they say: “It’s an apple connoisseur’s pear cider, hand-crafted with organic apples and measured infusion of pear essence. It’s both intense and balanced, greeting you with the distinct aromas of both fruits.” See it in its full story telling detail at sonomacider.com
What we say:
“Sour.”
“Rose flavors…”
“Solid.”
“A kiss from a rose.”
“This is like drinking my grandma’s attic. i literally this poured this down the sink.”
“Like if someone bottled Finland and put it in a drink. Nothing too incredible but you sometimes remember it.”
11. Redd’s Apple Ale – 5.4
Photo by Ilana Herzig
A not-so-popular classic.
ABV: 5%
Origin: Wisconsin
What they say: “By blending the flavor of apples into a golden ale, Redd’s Apple Ale is the perfect choice when you want a refreshing and set alternative to your everyday beers.”
What we say:
“Meh.”
“Cinnamon, yum!”
“Cinnamony – GREAT!”
“Bland.”
“Eh.”
“More wintery, like drinking traditional hot cider.”
“NICE & sweet.”
“The Smirnoff Ice of cider.”
10. Woodchuck Hard Cider: Granny Smith – 6
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re looking for another ubiquitous brand.
ABV: 5.5%
Origin: Canada
What they say: “Mouth-watering flavor that is tangy and tart with a touch of sweetness.”
What we say:
“Tastes like a fruit beer.”
“Too dry especially cause it lacks flavor.”
9. Crispin: Natural Apple Cider – 6
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you want to add some less tasty color to your life…
ABV: 5.5%
Origin: Minnesota
What they say: “European-Style extra dry. The ‘champagne’ of the ciders; combining subtly and sophistication; the epitome of unforced elegance. A crips fresh apple bouquet with a brisk, refined finish that lingers on the palate.”
What we say:
“Sweet and sour but not too much of either.”
“Tastes like candy but does not deliver on the back end. Too light.”
“Sharp and awful.”
8. Crispin: Natural Hard Pear Cider – 6.3
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you want to add some color to your life…
ABV: 4.5%
Origin: Minnesota
What they say: “Naturally elegant and refreshingly adult with a sparkling natural pear finish and a subtle woody complexity, complemented by an intense fresh pear bouquet. Naturally ferment using 100% pear juice, not from pear juice concentrate or pear-flavored hard cider.”
What we say:
“Sweet, light, inoffensive.”
“Unique.”
“Awesome pear-y and super tasty!”
7. Hornsby’s Hard Cider Amber – 6.5
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re looking for an aggressive logo to complement your RBF…
ABV: 5.5%
Origin: Ireland
What they say: “Hornsby Amber Hard Cider is a medium bodied cider, with a golden amber hue and notes of green apple on the nose. The taste has ripe fruit notes throughout with full apple flavor. The finish is balanced and smooth with a tart dryness.”
What we say:
“Dry, notes of pear, I like the logo.”
“Not bad.”
“Definitely a more savory flavor, but still a little sweet. more of a fruit beer.”
“Goes down easy.”
6. Angry Orchard: Crisp Apple – 6.6
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you want to rank a popular favorite (there are over 8 types, but this is the most common).
ABV: 5%
Origin: Boston
What they say: “A crisp and refreshing cider. It’s fresh apple aroma and slightly sweet, ripe apple flavor make it hard to resist.”
What we say:
“Classic, it’s all good.”
“Quintessential.”
5. Wyder’s Hard Cider: Dry Pear – 6.7
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re in the mood to not know how to pronounce the brand…
ABV: 4%
Origin: Vermont
What they say: “This light, crips cider presents a tangy aroma while offering a distinct pear taste, and ends with a lively mouth feel that tickles the tongue .”
What we say:
“Good but just also tastes like a Jolly Rancher, in a bad way.”
“Full bodied and refreshing :).”
“Tangy, really good.”
“Take you to the candy shop – 50 cent.”
“Pear cider is a bold move. It paid off though. This is good.”
4. Soultree Ginger Apple Cider – 7.4
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re into the gingers…
ABV: 5.5%
Origin: Canada
What they say: “Our naturally gluten free authentic dry cider is made form genuine cider apples, sourced form an old growth orchard. Crisp, natural, & real.”
What we say:
“An acquired taste, but enjoyable nonetheless tasty.”
“Unique and memorable.”
“Nice but the ginger dominates.”
3. Woodchuck Gumption Hard Cider – 7.4
Photo by Ilana Herzig
If you’re like me and buy stuff because you think the label is cool… but this one is a pleasant surprise!
ABV: 5%
Location: Vermont
What they say: “We pair the fresh juice f the common eating apple with dry cider apples to bring you a bold and unique eating experience.”
What we say:
“At first taste 10!”
“Little different after taste.”
“I like this one! Not too sweet.”
2. Stella Artois: Cidre – 7.9
Photo by Ilana Herzig
That’s right folks your favorite beer company took a bite of the forbidden fruit… Eve’s got nothing on Stella.
ABV: 4.5%
Origin: Belgium
What they say: “A soft fruity sweetness paired with a crisp, dry finish made with hand picked apples from wine-growing regions. A perfectly balanced cider to awaken your senses.”
What we say:
“Good, solid cider on the sweeter side. Surprisingly good.”
“Good taste, douchey name.”
“Just want to keep drinking more of this.”
“REALLY GOOD. I WAS SURPRISED.”
1. Strongbow Hard Apple Cider: Gold Apple – 8.25
Photo by Ilana Herzig
Ladies and gentlemen… your winner, the college sweetheart!
ABV: 5%
Origin: England
What they say: “Gold Apple hard cider balances sweet and tart notes of Golden Delicious apples with a smooth, crisp flavor. Honey & Apple, slightly sweeter, has taste notes of Red Delicious with subtle hints of honey.”
What we say:
“Nothing beats Strongbow, a staple of any English pub!”
“Just plain YUM”
Well with that last sparking endorsement, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen – the college ranked ciders for your daily, nightly, and really any time of day enjoyment. Happy tasting everyone, make Johnny proud.