My pharmacist recently told me to put lemon juice in my water because I need to have enough Vitamin C to keep my immune system strong through flu season.

For those of you who have had the flu, you can attest to how serious the flu is when it decides to hijack every part of your life. In fact, when we are sick, we ask for forgiveness. We plead with the universe. We make promises to ourselves of what we will do better. Do we actually do those things?

You tell me. I’m not ready to admit that!

As much as I want to drink lemon water and honor my pharmacist’s recommendation, I’m still caught by a thread of hesitation. It’s not the lemon water. It’s not the flu. It’s the knife. We all have a series of useful and not so useful knives in our kitchen drawers; some quarantine warriors even have a trusted blade sheathed and kept close to their heart under their bra. The truth is this: NO ONE learned crucial things in high school. How to file taxes? Nope. How to navigate a pandemic? Definitely not. Which knives are the best for what? We definitely weren’t taught that. If you’re like me, I look at expensive and budget-friendly knives and squint. Am I Uma Thurman from Kill Bill? No. I’m just a girl trying to find a knife for her lemon. When my pharmacist texted me to remind me to increase my intake of vitamin c through citrus-infused water, I began to question if the knives I owned would be up for the task.

My mind began to sing the ballad of lemons and knives.

And it is with great honor, I present the ballad to you:

Where does one go to buy a trusty knife?

Shall I go to the center of the city?

The bodega? I will only find a cat

He will tell me I am too poor

And to go ask the subway rat

But rat will tell me to visit the store

I grab the lemon and go out the door!

But Jenna isn’t wearing her mask

Gazes are thrown like daggers

Why did I even leave the house?

Like most people who need a quick solution, I went online to look for a knife. After seven hundred years of looking through different knife models and vendors, I got really nervous until the realization hit me. I just need a knife. A good one. A simple yet effective knife. A knife that can cut through lemons because the little defective wannabe light saber in my drawer that belongs to my family can’t even cut through butter if it tried.

I also want to take the time to say this is a terrible time for empaths and being stressed out about a knife is the last thing I wanted to add to my 2020 Jumanji Bingo sheet. And yes. This is a valid reason to be stressed. There are too many knife options online. Should I get one or should I get multiple ones? Why? There are sets and sets that means more research and more research means more anxiety. Instead of giving up, five friendly people from the internet reached out to me to share some tips. I’ve broken down the knife recommendations by various personalities. You know who you are.

For The Chef Who Has No Idea What They Are Doing

Unique Michael

We’re going to keep this short and sweet because you’re probably in my boat. You’re looking for a trusty blade (think Arya from Game of Thrones with a needle) but have no idea where to start. Get yourself a seven-inch Santoku Knife. It has a sheath and is made from German high carbon stainless steel. At $12, it’s definitely a must-have if your mission in life is to cut a lemon.

For The Chef Who Wants A Good Deal

Unique Michael

Who said you have to spend a lot to make what you love?Wanbasion’s Purple Professional Kitchen Knife Chef Set is $21, made from stainless steel, dishwasher safe, AND has comes with protection. You no longer have permission to be the sole proprietor of a knife or set of knives that can’t cut through butter. Seriously. Buy a new knife already. Don't accept the crappy knife you inherited from roommates you never met. 

For The Chef Who Tries To Make Spoon University Recipes

Unique Michael

We love you. We really do. Please keep trying out our recipes. We exist for this very reason and we want to help you stay sharp when it comes to your culinary game. For $6 a week, Togu Knives offers wannabe chefs who are serious about being anything other than wannabe chefs a chance to sharpen their culinary skills. Just to be clear, Togu Knives isn’t a company that sells knives. They want to have an actual relationship with you. Yes. You read that correctly. If you're not matching with anyone on Tinder, give Togu Knives a chance. They are a membership service that delivers a set of knives to your door every eight weeks. The shipment includes every chef’s basics: a chef’s knife (a santoku) and a pairing knife. They are made from VG-10 steel which is apparently powerful enough to cut through lemons and anything that needs to be.... sliced. The service includes the knives, sharpening, and replacement every eight weeks in a seamless exchange. Togu Knives provides the same experience of receiving a freshly sharp knife every eight weeks, so all wannabe chef’s knives are always sharp.

For The Chef Who Is Ready To Create Five Star Meals

Unique Michael

I can’t be trusted to go shopping by myself for friends during the holidays or I’ll end up buying a samurai sword for their kitchen. That’s how much I care. Being that my friends won’t appreciate blades of immense power, I went through countless knives to find the one that could potentially end up in Kill Bill 3 (if Quentin Tarantino finally gets his act together and gives us what we want). After weeks of searching, I finally found the knife that can cut through any lemon and may potentially hold some magical energy that can help us cut through relationships that no longer serve us. The Thai Moon Knife may be the most expensive knife on the list, but it’s better than a soulmate. Unlike countless posers, this carbon steel knife is handmade. The company that commissions the knives pay the artisan blacksmiths fair prices. What makes the knife Thai? The rounded shape of the Moon Knife is excellent for a smooth back and forth chopping motion. In Thailand, locals use this knife as a cleaver knife in meat markets. If a tribute from The Hunger Games got their hands on this blade in the arena, all other tributes would be doomed.

You’re probably thinking: virtually any knife can cut through a lemon but this article isn’t about that. This article is about how long it takes us to figure out what we need and why we need it. The lemon is a metaphor for situations and the knife is the search for the right tools to navigate life’s constant waves of catastrophe.

What knife do you swear by? Let me know!

While you’re at it, follow me on Twitter @ItsLizAb and let me know if you’d like more quarantine ballads.