Ah, alas. It was about time we had a week long break, away from studying, roommates and hangovers (because we all know we're still not recovered from Halloweekend). As soon as we thought it was time for a break of peace and quiet, instead we've only swapped the books for Thanksgiving meals with the family. At school, we have the ability to call in sick for class and make excuses to skip lunches with that crazy freshman-year roommate you promised yourself you would never see again. But at home? We're forced to leave our rooms, make ourselves look at least decently presentable and show our aunts, uncles, and grandparents how far college has truly taken us--the ability to drink for 4 consecutive days nonstop.
In all seriousness, Thanksgiving is delicious, but by the time 3 p.m. hits and your family's hangry and out for revenge, you may lose your appetite from all the craziness your family truly entails. We all know the classic family members that are at each and every Thanksgiving table, but what kind of thanksgiving side dish does each member truly represent? If the saying stands as "you are what you eat", what would your grandmother's side dish be? What's your cousin's thanksgiving food version? Read this article when you're desperate for an article to distract you from the nagging questions from your uncle, you'll thank me later. Time to dish it out and spill the truth.
The Overbearing Mother -- Pumpkin Pie
Am I not wrong? Pumpkin Pie is nearly a necessity on the Thanksgiving table--truly wouldn't be the holiday without it. A Thanksgiving meal also wouldn't be the same without your crazy, overbearing mother asking each and every little question about the ins and outs of your college experience.
Just like how the pumpkin pie waits for us to pounce, our nagging mothers are only waiting for us to tell them every little thing from what your daily routine is to who your current boy toy is back at school. "Are you eating okay?" "Your hair doesn't look so good, how often do you wash it?" "Do you use protection?"
Ugh Mom, chill and pass the pie.
The Grandmother Vicariously Living Through You -- Sweet Potatoes with Coated Marshmallows
As soon as your grandmother lays eyes on you, she's all up in your biz, asking the whereabouts of your clothing, asking what your love life is like, and kissing the bejeezus out of your face. Just like the gooeyness of this dish, your grandmother is even more in love with you than your high-school stalker.
This hardcore dish is topped with a young, kid-like topping that satisfies our childhood sweet tooth, just like how our grandmothers vicariously live through our youth. As fast as we can pass the dish, our grandmothers are asking what's "in" these days and what the young people are up to. We all know this dish will give our grandmothers enough of a sugar rush to start feeling young and funky again.
The Drunk Aunt -- Cranberry Sauce
Aunt Liz, get a grip. Your personality is starting to be just as sour as the cranberry sauce I made at noon this afternoon. We all know that one aunt that's watching everyone cook while having glass of wine after glass of wine. Bottom line, we're straight up jealous that we can't sneak as much alcohol, at least it would make the feast a little more lively, right? Regardless, your aunt can be the life of the party and the sweetness of the feast (just like the sweetness of cranberries) or can be sour with her harsh jokes and comments that cross wayyy over the line. Slow down, auntie! If you're gonna start getting sour drunk, let us at least catch up first.
The Weirdly Flirty Uncle -- Brussel Sprouts with Bacon
A manly dish, just like the disgusting raging testosterone that's steaming out of your uncle. Whether he's competing for an arm wrestle against your dad, downing beer after beer, or winking at you from across the table, your uncle is, by far, the dish that can stink the most and serves as the most manly thanksgiving side dish out of them all. Congrats Uncle D, you've successfully made everyone feel uncomfortable (and incredibly frail, standing next to you).
The Cousin Who's Sneaking You Alc -- The Stuffing
I'm not saying you have to get wasted for thanksgiving dinner, but wouldn't it be nice to at least get a little tipsy while your dad is making dad joke after dad joke? Enter your cousin, the life of the party (with the sneakiest ability to get you more alc than your dad originally poured). Your cool cousin is who you can finally relate with when sh*t hits the fan at the dinner table and people start to get feisty over family drama.
Your cousin is nearly a necessity in order for you to survive the harsh day of cooking and hanging with the fam. Just like stuffing and its ability to sneak underneath the turkey, your cousin has the sneakiest ability to stock some alc for you in the back closet and save the best drinks for last. Love you, cuz.
The Classic Dad -- The Turkey
Ah, the head of the table. Whether your dad is saying corny joke after another, or running the show in the kitchen, your holiday just wouldn't be the same without him. Your dad is the ultimate cutter of the turkey when it's fresh out of the oven, symbolizing what he truly represents this holiday--the turkey. This holiday is for you, Dad. Just don't let the fame get to your head.
The Grandfather Who Doesn't Say a Word -- Cornbread
Ok, so your grandpa's a little quiet. Your conversations may last a solid 2 minutes before your grandfather starts to drift off. Even though your grandfather might be the most simple, your grandfather is the most respected, just like cornbread. A good filling for all the other delicious dishes, and a person who truly would be missed if he wasn't there at the table.
When your grandfather is gone after 5 minutes, everyone's wondering where he is. Just like cornbread, your feast truly wouldn't be whole without him. When your grandpa finally starts to speak up, everyone takes note of it and is dead silent. This is clearly paralleled with cornbread and its tendency to make everyone's mouth water (when it's cooked just right). Just keep on doing you, pops.