Lifestyle

Dunkin' Donuts: a New England Love Story

By Amelia Bowen at American University

Dearest, beloved Dunkin’ Donuts – we love you not because you are good, but because you taste like the Northeast.

You taste like the Patriots; the Red Sox; like “You talkin’ to me?!”

Your colors are bright and social media-friendly. Your donuts are picturesque and your coffee is best with milk, packed with a dangerous amount of caffeine. 

Dunkin’? Double-D? The Dunk? There are a million-and-one affectionate nicknames for you.

Starbucks? Bitch, please.

We don’t need that fancy-ass mocha-latté-double-twist liberal elitist bull crap.

We know that they’re called munchkins, not donut holes. And while we shit on you endlessly, we will defend you to a west-coaster within an inch of death.

How dare they?! They know not your majesty, your innate ability to enchant,  to disavow your own questionable quality. 

Wherefore Art thou, Dunkin’?

A New England staple? A cultural icon? You are a rose; nay, you are a daisy (a far less pretentious flower). 

No one knows you like we do. You start our day; you ride with us in our cars and fuel our spirit. You are our rock, served with three creams and three sugars, iced, in 30 degree weather.

I won’t say America Runs on Dunkin’ – but New England certainly does.