Oh, fall. That bizarrely wonderful time of year when farmer’s markets are bursting with produce and pumpkin spice is in the air. It is the prime season for foodies because we get to look forward to some of the best holidays — Halloween and Thanksgiving.
Every year around this time, a crop of eye-catching and terrifyingly saccharine Halloween candy treats sprout up in every grocery and convenience store across the country. So here is a quick ranking of the best (but worst for you) candy out there — or at least all that I was able to find at my local CVS. So enjoy.
The Ranking (from worst to best):
11. Wrigley’s Extra Pumpkin Spice Gum
At this point, I’m feeling very Violet Beauregarde. Do not chew this gum if you’re looking for refreshment. No gum should ever be this sweet.
Calories: 5 cal
Consensus: It is very heavy on the pumpkin, less so on the spice, and all-in-all very overwhelming.
10. Cadbury Screme Egg
This terrifying “egg” leaked on me before I even bit into it. The cream is decidedly disgusting and a pathetic shade of light green.
Calories: 150 cal
Consensus: The chocolate is too sweet and has no cocoa flavor. I would not recommend.
9. Halloween Oreo
The different Halloween visuals on each cookie are cute. I feel like they’ve made the cookie more black, but maybe I’m just making that up.
Calories: 160 cal for 3 cookies
Consensus: The orange cream is a little too orange.
8. Russel Stover Caramel in Milk Chocolate Pumpkin
Why does it look so wrinkled? It does boast 100% real chocolate though, which is something.
Calories: 170 cal
Consensus: This is just boring and underwhelming.
7. Twix Ghost
Not feeling this one as much. Too biscuit-y.
Calories: 150 cal
Consensus: Needs more caramel.
6. Spooky Village Freaky Fingers Orange, Grape, Green Apple & Blueberry Lollipops
The packaging is impossible to open, but the intricate detailing of wrinkles on the fingers is a nice touch.
Calories: 120 cal per lollipop
Consensus: I like the kid-friendly color scheme, but the flavor (especially of the blueberry) is pretty heinous.
5. M&M’s White Candy Corn
Definitely the most interesting so far. The white inside has an unexpected fake-coconut taste. So not candy corn per se, but definitely different.
Calories: 220 per serving
Consensus: One should definitely not eat more than, like, two of these at a time.
4. Snickers Pumpkin
As expected, this is a regular Snickers; no exciting special flavor.
Calories: 160 cal
Consensus: A solid choice.
Disclaimer: The author is a big fan of Snickers, so this is a slightly biased opinion.
3. Starburst Halloween Mix
Props to Starburst for thinking up some interesting flavors (bewitched blueberry and mysterious mango, for example) and for the unexpected pop of color in the “chilling cherry kiwi.”
Calories: 240 per serving
Consensus: I personally just don’t like cherry flavor that much, but this is pretty good.
2. “It’s The Great Pumpkin” Crunch
I appreciate the cute/health-concious concept (you’re supposed to split up Charlie and Linus and share with a friend) but besides that, this is essentially a glorified Hanukkah gelt crunch bar. The chocolate is a little too sweet, but the crispy rice is redeeming.
Calories: 170 cal, but if you “share” like you are “supposed” to, it’s only 85
Consensus: Decidedly more exciting than a regular old Crunch.
1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Pumpkin
Looks promising. When you open it up, you find an ENORMOUS peanut butter-filled pumpkin. We’re talking like the volume of at least three normal Reese’s.
Calories: I hesitate to tell you. Suffice it say that if you consume all 6-oz., you are well on your way to diabetes.
Consensus: Nothing too remarkable besides the freaking enormity of this thing… Overall, a pleasurable and unexpected experience. No complaints here.
So now that I’ve successfully made myself sick, what to do with all of this Halloween candy? Instead of letting it sit in a sad pile in my room, I’ll try one of these leftover candy recipes.