Lifestyle

The Colgate Student’s Guide to Frunking

By Mackay Peltzer at Colgate

Frunk (v) [fruhnck] (other forms include: frunking, frunked, frunker) – to eat ghastly amounts of food, primarily made of bread, cheese, and grease, past midnight in Frank while in an intoxicated state characterized by poor decisions and imagined starvation. A good alternative to late-night Slices. Frequent frunking can provide important insight for the best Frank hacks. 

Examples: After the long walk up the hill, frunking is highly recommended to replenish the body and rejuvenate the soul. Colgate is where the jug rats and frunkers of today become the leaders of tomorrow. 

Basic Rules of Frunking

Understanding the definition is important, but it’s only part of the equation. Everybody frunks a little differently, but here a set of basic rules to help guide you through the exciting world of late-night Frank and have the best experience possible.

1. Never Question why a person is frunking.

Don’t ask them why they are not with a significant other or doing homework. They have their priorities straight.

2. Respect the food baby.

Everybody handles their food babies differently, but make sure you are patient, take a casual stroll to help you digest before bed and lastly, get lots of rest.

3. Avoid any risky drunk maneuvers.

Move carefully and slowly so you don’t spill or waste food.

4. Do not be insulted if the conversation is limited.

Food should be the focus and intoxication often decreases a person’s ability to multi-task. Eat now; talk tomorrow.

5. Remember to hydrate.

Your hungover self will be grateful in the morning.

6. Do not judge. Ever.

People show their real selves while late-night frunking. Help create an accepting environment so we can all happily eat like nobody’s watching.

7. At the same time, it’s every frunker for him/herself.

There are only so many pieces of pizza; sharing is not an option so don’t bother asking. It brings new meaning to the Hunger Games.

8. Be daringly creative.

Frunking is a time for adventure so go ahead, dip your chicken wing in ice cream.

9. Lastly, don’t eat anything healthy.

Take advantage of having no guilty conscience. Lettuce is for rabbits and sober people.

Happy Frunking!

If you have a serious case of the drunchies here’s a couple articles to help you satisfy your cravings:

• What Late Night Drunchies Say About Your Personality
• The Drunchies: An Overall Plus
• Kellogg’s Cereal Does Drunchies