Candy canes are fun to eat until you get to the weird curve at the bottom — then it becomes a sticky mess all over your face. Lovely. Were candy canes invented as a pacifier for children who can't keep their mouths shut in church, or is it supposed to be a sticky ornament? There's not one defined account about the history of candy canes, but we're going to give you the most entertaining rundown you'll find. 

Where TF Did They Come From?

There are a lot of versions about the origins of candy canes. If you ever went to Sunday school, you know the Christian version — that they came from Jesus Christ himself. Kidding. But not really. This website says a candymaker in Indiana was the first to invent the candy cane in America (that doesn't sound like Jesus Christ to me).

Another popular account claims that a choirmaster in Germany invented the candy cane in 1670. We're really getting somewhere with this investigation. Since there is no official evidence of where the f*ck candy canes come from, let's just believe they popped out of thin air. 

Why Is It Shaped So Weird?

The shape of a candy cane is for the letter 'J'. Take a wild guess at what that 'J' stands for. Turn the 'J' upside down, and you have a staff — for the sheep herders, duh.  

That candymaker in Indiana gave out his candy canes to children in church who were well-behaved. Wrong idea, buddy. Should have given it to the children who wouldn't STFU as a nice little pacifier.

The choirmaster in Germany also claimed to have passed out what he called "sugar sticks" to the children's choir to keep them occupied during the ceremony. Apparently, he had to have the candies approved by the priests before handing them out. So he bent them at the end, creating a 'J' shape and voilá. It means Jesus.

Is There a Reason They Are Ohio State Colors?

Of course there is. And want to take a stab at who the colors represent? It has to do with a dude whose name starts with the letter 'J'.

Candy canes started out as just a plane, white peppermint stick —the white representing the purity of Christ (as told by the Indiana candymaker). Then in the 1900s, some dude thought they looked boring AF and decided to add some color to it — red, to represent the blood of Christ (as told by the Indiana candymaker). Still looks like OSU colors to me. 

Is There Actually a Reason They're Peppermint

Yes. And guess what Sunday school taught us — it has to do with Jesus. Back in Biblical times, a hyssop plant was used for purifying. And that kind of smells like peppermint. Luckily, peppermint has a ton of health benefits. Okay, I see you. 

Now that we are past Biblical times, candy canes come in every flavor you can think of. Sriracha, cotton candy, licorice, bacon — mmm bacon. 

Fun Facts

Candy canes are made of sugar, corn syrup and flavoring. There's about 60 calories in each and you should eat as many as your teeth can handle. The candy is made by kneading the ingredients and stretching it like taffy. Then it's cut, shaped and wrapped. 

The world's largest candy cane was created in 2012. It stretched 51 feet long and used about 900 pounds of sugar. My teeth are rotting just thinking about that. National Candy Cane Day is December 26th, but I'll be handing out these pacifiers in church on December 25th. No crying babies for me, thank you very much.