Bagels are easily one of my top three favorite foods, and you could probably say I talk a little too much about how much I adore them. Not only are they filling, but they can also be topped with almost any kind of topping, from cream cheese to meat to nuts. But, are all bagels created equal? Obviously not. Here is my definitive ranking of bagel flavors from worst to best.
13. Sesame
When was the last time you met someone who distinctively asked for a sesame bagel at a bakery? None? Good, I'm not the only one.
12. Onion
Maybe this is a guilt-by-association, but whenever I think of onion bagels, I think of flavorless bread-iness found in bagged bagels. They're just boring, and the onion evokes a slightly rancid undertone. No thanks.
11. Cinnamon Raisin
Raisins and I don't get along, and I'm happy so say that it's the case for most people as well. The cinnamon? You have me going there, but once you added dried fruit to the mix, I'm anything but a supporter.
10. Poppyseed
My reasoning for placing poppyseed at number twelve on the list was similar to the sesame excuse. Poppyseed bagels are just kinda misleading; they have a slight crunch from the seeds without any actual flavor.
9. Egg
The color? Gross. I also don't see what the egg glaze does for the flavor and texture of the bagel itself (maybe just makes it more waxy?)
8. Multigrain
Multigrain bagels provide a little bit of texture without straying too far from your comfort zone. They're pretty versatile and taste decent with sweet or savory toppings. Unlike everything bagels, multigrain bagels have seeds and crunch baked into the inside of the bagel rather than just on the crust.
7. Salt
Salt bagels get a lot of smack talk from bagel enthusiasts. Yeah, I know salt belongs on a pretzel... but why can't it go on a bagel too? The salty exterior of these bagels develops a different level of flavor that contrasts the chewiness of the bagel itself. Plus, it can really elevate the toppings you add to your bagel.
6. Garlic
Garlic on anything can provide a powerful kick. I think a bagel with both garlic AND onion would be better than just garlic, but if that's your cup-of-tea, maybe an everything bagel would suffice.
5. Blueberry
If it was truly up to me, blueberry bagels would be #1. BUT, I can see how some people can't jive with the fruit. The best kind of blueberry bagels are chewy with a slight crunch on the crust- NOT the ones you find in a bag. So before you drown on and on about how fruit doesn't belong in a bagel, go try an actual, well-made blueberry bagel and then come back and talk to me.
4. Asiago
Cheese please! Asiago bagels are super tasty because they give a slight cheesy hint without leaving an aftertaste. They're very hearty for breakfast sandwiches and can be infused with other ingredients during the baking process like red peppers and jalapeños.
3. French Toast
French toast bagels are probably the most euphoric bagel on this list. I didn't have one until I was in college, but I really remember the powerful sweetness and spices that shone through in the bagel. They're truly a gem of the bagel world.
2. Plain
Versatility above all. Want a peanut butter schmear? Go 'head. What about some dill and lox? Fine by me. Layers of jam? That's okay too.
1. Everything
If everything bagels weren't that great, why would Trader Joe's create a seasoning line around them? And with everything bagels, I'm talkin' REAL everything bagels. Not half-rolled-around-in-a-bag-with-three-poppyseeds-and-a-small-piece-of-fennel. These bagels come out on top EASILY.
[Not so] honorable mentions include pumpernickel (seriously, where the heck do people actually get these?) and those weird festive-dyed colored bagels. Gross.